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Kayla's Only Heart

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Kayla's Only Heart

Tag Archives: wounds

Unwrapping the Fulfilling Life 

28 Tuesday Apr 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Journal

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Tags

childhood, children, church, class, comfort, connected, connection, counseling, depression, despair, doubt, emotional hurt, environment, family, forgiveness, fulfilled, fulfilling, hope, hopeful, hopelessness, innocence, life, loss of innocence, opportunity, pain, protection, safe, shame, therapy, wounds

As I’ve been attending individual counseling therapy and a church class about the clinical side of emotional hurt, I’ve learned that I have layers of shame wrapped around me. More importantly, I am learning from where they stem and how I can start removing those layers so I am no longer trapped underneath them.

Some of this involves forgiveness, including myself as well as family members and people in my past. The main root of these layers comes from some painful childhood experiences as well as generally chaotic and sometimes unsafe environments in the past. Those events extended into loss of innocence and shame of having been harmed (and from not sharing) and thoughts of how life could have been or could be different “if only…”. My first main step is opening the door where I have locked away all the pain so I can finally let some of it go and become free. Then as I uncover specific details and wounds, I can break their hold of me. 

Ultimately, I will reach a point where I don’t believe the doubting voices in my head and will feel like I can confidently pursue my goals and feel worthy of myself, my efforts, my contributions to the world. I can also break the unconscious vows I made to myself in attempts of protecting myself from further pain. I have vowed not to make children experience what I did as a child, thus making it impossible for me to know if I even want children. Once I let that go, I can see that I can still have a fulfilling family and create a safe and happy home environment (the latter of which I have accomplished as I made my own home in college but have later realized it also includes self imposed isolation as a family of one). In turn, allowing myself to have what I block in the interest of protection gives me an opportunity to lead a more fulfilling and connected life, built up by being plugged in. 

Hopelessness may lead to more despair and self-pity, even self-hatred. Yet I have hope that as I unwrap those layers and leave them somewhere that’s not a shadowy party of my heart (as seemingly comforting as they can trick my mind into feeling with their familiarity), I can wrap myself in more positive life experiences and be better equipped to weather the difficult ones. 

Free from Shame 

27 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Journal

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Tags

bondage, Christ, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, forgiveness, free, freedom, God, grace, guilt, past, redemption, shame, sin, wounds

Shame can have numerous roots: feeling inadequate in meeting personal or familial standards, failing to fit into societal norms, experiencing trauma, living in a negative environment. I personally have layers of shame from all those causes. Sometimes I feel guilty for actually doing something wrong; other times I feel shame as a result of not meeting imposed standards. Either way, recognizing the shame or guilt and working through the incident is key to not wearing a coat of shame and ultimately being held captive by that. Fortunately, our graceful God forgives our sins and heals us of sins committed against us. While we may not forget and scars will remain, a life free of shame’s bondage is still available. 

Perception Suppressed

22 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

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Tags

depression, experience, Haiku, life, NaPoWriMo, pain, perception, poem, poetry, suppressed, wounds

Perception of wounds

Experienced suppression

Creates constant pain

Rebuilt Scars

19 Sunday Apr 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

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Tags

Haiku, healing, hope, NaPoWriMo, poem, poetry, recognition, renewal, restoration, scar, wounds

Scar recognition 

Renews original wounds

Restoration builds

Precious Wounds

04 Saturday Apr 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

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Tags

anxiety, childhood, children, depression, Haiku, healing, life, poem, poetry, wounded, wounds

Wounded without doubt 

Seeking healing for their souls

Precious children come 

Church And Bride

19 Thursday Sep 2013

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

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Tags

body of Christ, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, church, hurt, poem, poetry, separation, wounds

The body of Christ

We become one in You

Brother and sister to all who believe

 

Yet like all siblings

Tensions arise between

The closest of knits

 

It seems the deepest hurt

Comes from within the body

A whole wounded in uncertainty

 

The grip loosens, leaving space

Distance looks greater between us

When we should draw to You as groom

 

Only You can restore

The error in human bonds

To heal Your body

 

Keep us close

Don’t let us fall apart

Like marriages not molded after You

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