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Kayla's Only Heart

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Kayla's Only Heart

Tag Archives: uncertainty

This Is Us: Family Ties Are “A Manny-Splendored Thing”

22 Sunday Oct 2017

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Uncategorized

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communication, connection, family, hope, NBC, This Is Us, TV, uncertainty, weekend

This weekend I’m catching up on NBC’s hit tearjerker This Is Us, and the second episode doesn’t disappoint. Filled with touching moments, especially between characters who haven’t been as close previously, it captures the difficulty and depth of developing a family. Randall and Beth further contemplate fostering a child. Through Randall’s doubt and Beth’s persistence in their discussions, they demonstrate the uncertainty in family connections and the communication necessary to develop those connections. They show triumph over uncertainty and difficulty to connect leads to the development of strong family ties.

Randall knows firsthand what it feels like to struggle through childhood. As the adopted child of the Big Three triplets and only one of a different race, he knows how easy it can be to feel separated. He also has witnessed the effects of parents’ problems on children; his adoptive father Jack struggled with a drinking problem passed down from Jack’s father, a problem that stirs conflict within Jack and Rebecca’s marriage and family, and, his biological father struggled with drug problems and ultimately died from cancer. Randall understandably fears not feeling equipped to deal with a foster child who may have been abused in some way (Beth at first guesses he feels nervous about answering the question about his family history of alcoholism and drugs). As Beth points out, they didn’t know what they would get when they had their two daughters.

Their discussion and their potential to know beforehand whether a child would have the difficulties of healing from abuse or difficult medical histories intrigued me. As Bev points out, people generally don’t know what problems may arise related to their children or their preparedness to parent. Life, and families in particular, face a lot of uncertainty. Yet Randall’s life proves that the uncertainty and challenges can be overcome. Perhaps some of Randall’s perfectionism and hard work ethic stem from a desire to prove himself worthy. It also fuels him to work to stay connected with his family despite the difficulties. Ultimately, in this episode, we see how Beth’s insistence to continue their discussion until completion of the foster care questionnaire demonstrates how communication can further deepen and develop family connections. She does not let Randall give up, and together they progress their goal to broaden their family.

Beth’s story arc in this episode also shows how connections can develop even where they don’t have much depth already. She informs Randall that she does not find his brother Kevin funny and that she does not care to watch the recording of Kevin’s show The Manny. Kevin knows their relationship does not go deep, but he still seizes his chance to be there for her and his brother. Beth finds herself in Kevin’s room backstage and shares her frustration with Randall. Rather than remove himself to give Beth space, Kevin chooses to stay and communicate. As she divulges their plans to adopt, Kevin sees Beth’s need for understanding and connects with her through a humorous background story Beth didn’t previously realize connected them. It serves as a point for them to start deepening their friendship as well as encouragement for Beth to not get discouraged in her journey with Randall to become foster parents.

As usual, this episode makes me tear up at the touching depth to these characters and their situations. They remind me that with effort and communication we can all develop deeper connections with family. Their strength does not come without difficulty. Opportunities always exist to connect as well, whether they be with family members who have been around for years or with ones who may not have joined yet. Like Randall and Beth, we should not let fear of uncertainty steer us away from developing those ties.

Sky Haiku

02 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

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clouds, gray, light, poem, poetry, shades of gray, sky, uncertainty

Clouds loom overhead
Shades of gray prove uncertain
Yet light shines through it

Flashback Friday: Beautiful Day Every Day

28 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Essay

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Beautiful Day, beauty, beginning, change, encouragement, Flashback Friday, music, seasons, spring, thankful, U2, uncertainty

I remember when I first heard this song. It’s on the Now 6 CD I bought over ten years ago. The U2 hit still rings true as ever as encouragement to not let the good in each day get away.

This seems like a good reminder for this season as we welcome the return of the green trees, pink and red flowers, golden sun. The days become more aesthetically beautiful, which makes it easier to embrace the beauty of life. We accept the change.

Yet that doesn’t mean the fresh growth is always easy. Sometimes we have to let go of people we love. Other times we have to tackle situations we didn’t expect. We can’t always predict how the seeds we plant might grow.

I have found myself in a new beginning in every aspect of my life, some planned others not quite anticipated. Sometimes it gets discouraging not knowing where my next home will be as I wait for a couple details to unfold. I still have my family, friends, and journal. What makes my house a home travels with me and will settle with me again.

No matter what, it’s a beautiful day. Some sort of flower always blooms. Take notice of the good and don’t let another day in your life get away unnoticed for its beauty.

Emerging From The Sea

19 Sunday Jan 2014

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

decisions, direction, future, growth, guidance, plans, poem, poetry, positive change, sea, uncertainty

Just because you don’t see

The sails I’ve drawn for me

Doesn’t mean I don’t cross my T

It’s up to me to choose to be

 

I’ve made a world you don’t see

Where my thoughts spin free

Bouncing to and fro just to be

still part of one like waves at sea

 

But just because you don’t see

The tide turning the sea

Don’t make you free

To be captain for me

 

Step back, let me be

If you want to see

An open sea grow as a tree

To let all the fruit free

Fall Anticipation

10 Sunday Nov 2013

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Journal

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anticipation, beauty, celebration, decision, direction, fall, holiday season, holidays, life, Photo, photography, special occasion, uncertainty, winter

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I am thankful for fall and all that it brings and symbolizes. Leaves burst into color before they fall, leaving the trees bare against gray skies. Today I have seen a fire engine red against the blue sky during my walk to church. I keep catching myself admiring the beauty surrounding me as I enjoy the weather. October and November make for some of the best jogging conditions. Fall allows us to bask in its beauty.
Fall also allows us to anticipate the coming winter, a season some enjoy and to which others do not anticipate keenly. I personally rather like the coolness. Yet I understand why some don’t share my excitement. I too suffer from extra dry skin, and I don’t like worrying about driving conditions due to ice and snow. Yet even in the gray of winter, we have festivities to anticipate. Christmas and my birthday happen between eight days of each other. One perk to my parents being divorced is that my brother and I get to celebrate each occasion multiple times. There’s even the promise of a new year mixed in there. In the dead of winter, I do more celebrating than I do throughout the rest of the year combined. I have high hopes for my fall and winter events this year. They continue next week with the Justin Timberlake concert.
As the rest of the holidays approach shortly after that, I have some personal decisions to finalize. Decision-making is not my strong suit, and it doesn’t help that I do not possess a lot of clarity in regards to the direction. Yet I must rest assured that I take action for the best and that the situation will continue to get better no matter which location I pick first. It also helps that I have the previously mentioned festivities to enjoy during this time. Knowing I have some set plans, supportive people surrounding me, and celebrations to attend keeps me moving forward.
So the skies may turn gray soon. I may feel more gray about my decisions before they unfold after they take place. Yet color and celebration will occur throughout. My path is not all unknown or all hazy. I am thankful for the occasions I already anticipate and the ones that will present themselves once the other plans get set in motion.
Let’s be thankful for our upcoming festivities. Find an event or date to anticipate and enjoy the wait, knowing you will find contentment in it. Eager anticipation always balances out uncertainty.
I’m excited to see Justin Timberlake in nine days! What occasion are you eagerly anticipating?
v

Room For Faith

20 Sunday Oct 2013

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Essay, Journal

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career, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, college, decisions, development, doubt, faith, God, growth, Holy Spirit, Lee Strobel, life, location, seasons, The Case For Faith, truth, uncertainty, youth

I have been reading The Case for Faith lately. In it, Lee Strobel, a journalist who used to be an atheist explores questions of faith relating to creation v evolution, suffering, and more. One of the last areas in which he delves involves doubts. Lynn Anderson, the man he interviews in the chapter “I Can’t Doubt and Be A Christian,” points out a common difficulty with time that influences people’s doubt when prompted to share influences on people’s doubt to which they may not usually be aware. He says,

 

’Seasons of life can make a big difference,’ he replied. ‘Sometimes people are great believers while in college, but when they’re young parents with their second baby and they’re working sixty or eighty hours a week and their wife’s sick all the time and the boss is on their back—they simply don’t have time to reflect. And I don’t think faith can develop without some contemplative time. If they don’t make room for that, their faith is not going to grow and doubts will creep in.’

 

It seems like this fits many season’s in people’s lives, including my own.

My stage in life does not include my own family yet, but I am young. My career is just beginning. I am deciding where I would like to live and what I would like to be doing. Yet I find it hard to find time to reflect or contemplate.

Routine has a high priority in my life. My specific routine has been tweaked to near perfection over the years. Exercise has profound importance for all the health benefits, and I made sure I woke up at 6am during my time at college so I could work out first thing. Then I finished preparing for the day, including having a devotional time before I got started on my other tasks like homework and cleaning. Throughout those years and now, the specific routine has been tweaked to fit my schedule, but the priorities have stayed the same. I know I want to take care of all areas of my health, especially spiritual. That includes having time to reflect on my faith as well as life in general.

A regular prayer time helps this a lot. As I mentioned before, I set aside time every day in college. This keeps my focus on God. Faith implies a perspective on the world shaped by God; regularly spending time with Him keeps my perspective closer to His. I also shared that I rely heavily on my routine to get all my needed and wanted daily tasks accomplished. It has been harder for me the last couple years because of my work schedule. I have enjoyed working two jobs and am relieved to work one now, but I still don’t have a regular work week or schedule. This probably shakes me more than it should. I continually adapt it to each day. In theory I have the same amount of time. Yet I haven’t found my good contemplative times. In college, I would spend a couple hours before each semester reflecting on my goals for the coming semester. First I would go through the more surface level items like the organizations in which I had a role and decided in which ones I would continue to play a part and which I would leave. Then I would make a second list of more broad ideas involving important concepts to me. This involved how I reflected God to other people, how I invested in my relationships, how I shaped my perspective, how I used my gifts. That always reminded me of the bigger picture of God’s purpose for my life during that period. It helped me maintain peace and progress my studies during that time so I could prepare for the next stage.

Here I am now in another busy season. Again, I don’t quite have all the same details as the example mentioned in The Case for Faith. Yet experiencing this uncertainty at all levels has made me organize my life in a way different than my preferred method. I just have to keep going back to what’s important to keep progressing. I want to progress my career and have to make some decisions regarding that because I want to keep developing. The same applies to my faith. Without that contemplation, neither will progress. As Anderson points out, if we don’t make room for it, it won’t happen.

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Waiting Ten Days, Then Ten More

09 Wednesday Oct 2013

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Journal

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career, decisions, family, path, potential, priorities, uncertainty, waiting, wedding

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My mom’s getting married in ten days. Her wedding starts my fall events and holiday season. Yet I’m not ready for any of them. I have my dress and accessories to be my mom’s bride’s maid. I have the weekend off work. Yet I don’t have a gift, and I haven’t penned a toast. Like in other aspects of my life, it seems like I’m waiting for a clear sign that will never appear; I need to make some decisions based on the information I do hold.

I know the wedding is rapidly approaching. For the most part, I have an idea of the course of events during the course of the weekend for the small bridal shower (at the spa), reception dinner, ceremony, and reception. It may be a small, casual affair, but it’s a wedding nonetheless. I want it to be special for my mom even if it seems like she doesn’t want a lot of attention drawn to her and the wedding. This marriage, I have the opportunity to serve my mom and bestow gifts accordingly. I just need to get over the uncertainty I see and decide to do what I can to make it special. Who says I can’t share a meaningful toast even if I’m the only one who stands to speak with a glass of champagne in hand?

The same stands true for my career aspirations. I can’t tell you which company will hire me and for what position. Another fog of uncertainty stands in front of me in that realm. Sometimes it feels like I’m grabbing at air as I reach forward, but as I keep extending my arm I will eventually find something in my hand. Again, I may need to make a decision with the knowledge I do possess. In this situation, I have to evaluate my priorities to determine what will put me in the best environment to meet my needs and desires. Certainly, this entails me moving back to a city. My decision may just have to result from contemplating the potential despite not having definitive plans yet. Either way, they will unfold in time. I just must decide what action to take.

The time to decide starts now. With the wedding rapidly approaching, the final countdown has begun. I must pick an appropriate gift and purchase it. A talk with my brother can determine if we can organize a joint toast or presentation of sorts during the reception. After that my career clock still ticks. While I may not have a tangible date like I do for the wedding, I don’t want the main attraction to pass me because I stood too long in the fog without moving forward. As I keep reaching, I can adjust my angle by making decisions to boost my potential for success.

40.194754 -92.583250

Not Empty

06 Sunday Oct 2013

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Christian, Christian living, guidance, guide, path, plan, poem, poetry, spiritual gifts, uncertainty

I’m staring at this blank page

Holding the pen in my hand

Wondering at what age

I will know what’s next

 

Yet the journey gets me there

I just have to follow

My Lord who meets my stare

He makes the plan

 

So I carry this blank page

Next to the Word in my heart

Knowing no matter my age

I can fulfill His plan

 

For Got gifts me as He pleases

For the benefit of all

When I share it eases

The body we strengthen as one

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You can't make advances if you don't take chances. These posts share my perspectives of my journey as I step forward, walking in the Light.

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