05 Tuesday Feb 2019
Posted in Poetry/Lyrics, Uncategorized
So good raising me
all bad was beyond
you had no effect
on the young mold
Now I wonder
where the base is
did it exist
or was it sold
the leaking cracks
must be my fault
for not speaking
left alone in the cold
Today this distance
lacks a bridge
no apologies owed
is what I’m told
Nothing new here
I see light
where you see sand
standing with you, I fold
So I take a step
no matter how small
I grow hope in truth
my real base takes hold
28 Monday Jan 2019
Posted in books, The Great American Reader, Uncategorized
Tags
bookish, books, friends, goals, Great American Read, Great American Reader, Harry Potter, identity, magic, mentor, motivation, school, support, truth
Harry Potter, the famous boy who lived, enters the world as a wizard. Yet he grows up not knowing about his identity or the world from which it comes. Once he finally receives his acceptance letter from Hogwarts, thanks to Hagrid’s hand delivery, he begins to learn about wizardry. This involves going to Diagon Alley to get his school supplies and finding a magical train platform that will take him to his destination.
As Harry prepares to get sorted into his house and to start classes, he worries that he lacks critical skills due to growing up in a muggle household (meaning one with no magic). He ponders how his classmates might make fun of him and how he may fail. However, he quickly realizes that his wizard counterparts possess no more know how than he does. They all have a lot to learn, and they each have a path to follow.
Lately, I’ve felt how Harry does about beginning school. He learns about a whole new world at age eleven, and he discovers that it doesn’t matter that he discovered it later than many of his classmates. Like many people, I face various insecurities. I even have them about school. Graduate school also holds a world some know and some don’t, that some appreciate and others don’t. Again, people who attend discover their path to knowledge at different ages. I have friends who went from undergrad straight to grad school and friends who began their higher degrees in their 40s or 50s. All of these people have improved their lives and careers, some even changing direction from their previous degrees, because of their pursuit. Like Harry Potter, I have learned that I have not fallen behind because I begin later than some of my peers.
In addition to accepting that Harry has not in fact discovered his identity and world too late, he learns whose voices to give credit and whose to deflect. His aunt and uncle despise the wizarding world and put Harry down, and bully Draco Malfoy acts as anyone not pure blooded has no place at Hogwarts. Yet Harry sees that everyone there has their place. He quickly finds a group of friends who keep him grounded and mentors who remind him of the truth. Fortunately, we too can deflect the negative voices who feed our doubt to keep us down and instead lean on our supportive friends and mentors to remind us our goals have value and that we can reach them.
“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”
George Eliot
16 Sunday Dec 2018
Posted in books, Uncategorized
Tags
authenticity, book review, books, Christian living, Fiercehearted, God, Holley Gerth, life, light, truth, vulnerable
I recently read Holley Gerth’s Fiercehearted: Live Fully, Love Bravely with my friend Stacie.
I now feel like Holley Gerth is a kindred spirit even though we’ve never met. This book has short chapters that all share a vulnerable, authentic voice and a unique light. Gerth has a perspective on her life that allows her to see God in the seemingly ordinary details of her life, and this allows her to learn from her experiences. As she invites readers into these situations, they too can grow closer to God and recall similar times in their own lives. Gerth’s unassuming openness welcomes readers into a life lived in the light. Now I feel like I can walk with a more confident step.
I highly recommend this book and highly look forward to the next book of hers I read. Fortunately, I’ve got a few on my shelf waiting for me!
05 Wednesday Dec 2018
Posted in books, Uncategorized
Tags
book review, books, Christian living, doubt, ethics, love, Tim Tebow, truth, values
I recently read Tim Tebow’s Shaken, 2017’s Christian Book of the Year, with my friend Stacie.
After initially hesitating to read this book, I find myself glad for Stacie’s suggestion and interest in Tim Tebow. His stories may come across simple at times, but he shares a lot of his personal struggles along with his triumphs. I hear strong doubt in my head every day and that occurs mostly privately, so I can only imagine what it feels like to have your life broadcast and know the general public doubts your abilities. Yet Tebow stays focused on his mission and pushes forward. He sets a good example for making good choices.
In addition to generally modeling high ethics and the importance of prioritizing your values, Tebow demonstrates how seemingly small actions can reach a lot further than we imagine. So we can all follow his lead to listen to God telling us to take an extra step to show God’s love and truth even when it seems unlikely to help, unimportant in that situation or unpopular to the scrutinizing crowd. That gives me a nudge to follow through on sharing my gifts despite any doubt I face.
What can you do to share love and truth with someone this week?
02 Sunday Dec 2018
Posted in Poetry/Lyrics, Uncategorized
It’s easy you see
to spot my needs
name that change
toss those seeds
It’s hard to plant
in infertile ground
growth needs more
in order to abound
Faith gives more
than surface deep,
knows heart’s deceit
yet a hope can keep
So consider needs
for a fruitful life
stay slow to speak
to avoid more strife
We all know Job
and his friends
who spoke no truth
through limited lens
Hurt is complex
builds strong roots
consider the depth
shaking in my boots
You speak no harm
when you listen
let the trust come
as tears glisten
Then you can see
how to adjust
what fruit comes
after the dust
29 Monday Oct 2018
Posted in Monday Motivation, Uncategorized
Tags
anxiety, Christian living, depression, goals, hope, mental illness, Monday Motivation, roots, truth
After reading Max Lucado’s Anxious for Nothing (review here), I have contemplated a bigger picture lesson of his insight to request help and to specific clear requests. Numerous people have offered their help when they’ve noticed I’m struggling, but neither I nor them end up making specific requests or offers in most cases. As numerous articles about how to help someone fighting depression point out, sufferers tend to not ask for help. So while the person offering to help does so with good intentions, those might not land anywhere without specifics from either party. This also happens in recovery of mental illness and substance abuse if issues remain vague rather than specific.
Much like with relational communication, when it comes to anxiety and depression, vague and unclear assessments make it difficult to move forward. Unfortunately, these symptoms create a cloud that makes clarity difficult. As we can recognize the symptoms and go further to acknowledge the roots, we can make it possible to specify causes, needs and goals. We can recognize anger, acknowledge it and then specify the cause. That makes it possible to deal with it and move on rather than bury it and let it grow roots of bitterness. It also allows us to communicate specifically in prayer. A named person and sin lifted in prayer gives us an opportunity to see grace at work as we forgive and experience peace. We can even learn to specify what triggers anger, anxiety, depression, etc. to face each one with detailed goals rather than a vague hope for improvement. Once we know what ails us, we can work with managing the details.
Anxiety, depression or any other mental health issue has a complicated and difficult journey for healing and management. Yet as we seek more understanding and can see details, we can make specific adjustments and requests. Acknowledging a need for help makes it possible to request it, and recognizing each issue makes it possible to manage it. An experience, feeling or thought noticed, specified and managed rather than buried makes it possible to diminish it rather than grow its own roots and negative fruit rather than let us stay grounded in truth. We have access specific insights into the truth. Therefore, we can conquer specific issues and meet specific goals.
12 Thursday Apr 2018
Posted in Poetry/Lyrics, Uncategorized
I gave you all
let it slip straight through
my heart overflowing smiles
directed straight at you
So you felt full
a new confidence showed
as we confided stories
and our hopes glowed
but you pierced a hole
not in you but in me
nothing left to share
the truth I finally see
03 Wednesday Aug 2016
Posted in Journal, Uncategorized
Tags
belonging, change, Christian living, God, home, Houston, lesson, life, move, packing, provision, routine, settling, stability, Texas, transition, trust, truth, unpacking
I recently moved south. My dad and I packed up his truck and a trailer and hauled all my precious belongings on the twelve hour drive to my new location. One of the biggest struggles involved getting my head around the fact that I would have to do it all again once or twice more within a year or so; I never liked change, especially big ones. Yet there I was facing multiple changes in jobs and homes.
This transition period included radical changes in my living arrangements. I now live with my dad, with whom I haven’t lived full time in nearly twenty years, and I have 75 percent of my belongings still in the garage. Separating from my book and movie collections, among other staples of my routine, proved difficult. The first week when I stayed at his old house had me living from my suitcase and unpacking my anxiety over the upheaval. Then I moved to the townhouse and got my clothes in the closet how I would at home. My sense of stability improved immediately.
At least a couple times a week, I found myself thinking about an item not in the current arrangement. I racked my brain about which box held the coveted item and even occasionally asked my friend who helped me pack about them. Each time I was able to remind myself that my belongings rested safe in the garage and I would have them out in due time when I got a place of my own again. I had what I needed at the moment.
That truth kept me grounded. I missed having my books and movies surrounding me, and I longed to have my place set up exactly as I wanted; yet I had what I needed. God provided me a spacious home, a comfortable bed (in a cool bedroom) and plenty of healthy food. Earlier today I finally noticed the move had made me realize and accept these truths. I caught myself contemplating the security of my phone (with stuff I still need to back up) and my preferred Ink Joy pens. Yet I stopped any anxious thoughts about them and rested in the assurance that God provided what I needed in the moment and that He would also provide provision for my belongings and my future home and routine. I learned it would continue to be a day to day provision and a day to day trust.
29 Monday Sep 2014
Posted in Poetry/Lyrics
Tags
Christian, Christianity, clouds, deliverance, dreamer, dreams, faith, God, hope, life, limits, poem, poetry, promise, promises, silver lining, sky, truth
I am a cloud
Floating in the sky
Infinity every direction beyond
Except for the ground below
I pray to land
Upright on my feet
The Son still shining through
A way, truth and life in me
Even when dark blankets
Light still surrounds
A silver lining so bright
A seal of prosperous rain
This life knows no limits
When love abounds like endless sky
Ever shifting beauty
For a cloud by day and by night
20 Sunday Oct 2013
Tags
career, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, college, decisions, development, doubt, faith, God, growth, Holy Spirit, Lee Strobel, life, location, seasons, The Case For Faith, truth, uncertainty, youth
I have been reading The Case for Faith lately. In it, Lee Strobel, a journalist who used to be an atheist explores questions of faith relating to creation v evolution, suffering, and more. One of the last areas in which he delves involves doubts. Lynn Anderson, the man he interviews in the chapter “I Can’t Doubt and Be A Christian,” points out a common difficulty with time that influences people’s doubt when prompted to share influences on people’s doubt to which they may not usually be aware. He says,
’Seasons of life can make a big difference,’ he replied. ‘Sometimes people are great believers while in college, but when they’re young parents with their second baby and they’re working sixty or eighty hours a week and their wife’s sick all the time and the boss is on their back—they simply don’t have time to reflect. And I don’t think faith can develop without some contemplative time. If they don’t make room for that, their faith is not going to grow and doubts will creep in.’
It seems like this fits many season’s in people’s lives, including my own.
My stage in life does not include my own family yet, but I am young. My career is just beginning. I am deciding where I would like to live and what I would like to be doing. Yet I find it hard to find time to reflect or contemplate.
Routine has a high priority in my life. My specific routine has been tweaked to near perfection over the years. Exercise has profound importance for all the health benefits, and I made sure I woke up at 6am during my time at college so I could work out first thing. Then I finished preparing for the day, including having a devotional time before I got started on my other tasks like homework and cleaning. Throughout those years and now, the specific routine has been tweaked to fit my schedule, but the priorities have stayed the same. I know I want to take care of all areas of my health, especially spiritual. That includes having time to reflect on my faith as well as life in general.
A regular prayer time helps this a lot. As I mentioned before, I set aside time every day in college. This keeps my focus on God. Faith implies a perspective on the world shaped by God; regularly spending time with Him keeps my perspective closer to His. I also shared that I rely heavily on my routine to get all my needed and wanted daily tasks accomplished. It has been harder for me the last couple years because of my work schedule. I have enjoyed working two jobs and am relieved to work one now, but I still don’t have a regular work week or schedule. This probably shakes me more than it should. I continually adapt it to each day. In theory I have the same amount of time. Yet I haven’t found my good contemplative times. In college, I would spend a couple hours before each semester reflecting on my goals for the coming semester. First I would go through the more surface level items like the organizations in which I had a role and decided in which ones I would continue to play a part and which I would leave. Then I would make a second list of more broad ideas involving important concepts to me. This involved how I reflected God to other people, how I invested in my relationships, how I shaped my perspective, how I used my gifts. That always reminded me of the bigger picture of God’s purpose for my life during that period. It helped me maintain peace and progress my studies during that time so I could prepare for the next stage.
Here I am now in another busy season. Again, I don’t quite have all the same details as the example mentioned in The Case for Faith. Yet experiencing this uncertainty at all levels has made me organize my life in a way different than my preferred method. I just have to keep going back to what’s important to keep progressing. I want to progress my career and have to make some decisions regarding that because I want to keep developing. The same applies to my faith. Without that contemplation, neither will progress. As Anderson points out, if we don’t make room for it, it won’t happen.
