Tag Archives: support

Book Review: Pelican Point, A Hope Harbor Novel

11 Sunday Nov 2018

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I received a copy of Pelican Point by Irene Hannon from Revell in exchange for a review.

Reading Pelican Point gave me the uplifting book boost I sought after reading and watching a few heavier stories. This sweet small town romance provides a fun story and encouragement for moving through life’s tougher situations. Though this book comes as the fourth in the Hope Harbor series, it makes sense as a stand alone novel. I fell right into step with the residents in town as I followed army doctor Ben there as he returned for his grandfather’s funeral. He and the other characters each face decisions on how to best move forward after loss, moves, and career changes. As they forge friendships and open themselves to possibilities, they find themselves improving their situations and relationships.

As many of us cue up the feel good Hallmark Christmas movies, I equate this with a similar style story. This does not involve Christmas, but it does end with a November wedding. So I say the timing for my reading could not have been better. Like the characters, I face decisions of how to move forward with my career, school and long term living situation. This story reminds me we all face difficult decisions but don’t have to do so alone. In this case, everyone gains confidence as they work together to save a lighthouse. The town coming together as a community to save a community landmark emphasizes the importance of a support network and connection to the world around you. With a little extra encouragement, we can pursue our potential. Sometimes what we need stands within our reach and we simply need to get out and open ourselves to the possibility.

 

This is my first Irene Hannon book, but it definitely won’t be the last. I’d like to go back and read the others in this series and look forward to the fifth releasing next year. As a Missouri native, I enjoyed the tid bit about her attending universities in Missouri and living there. I also found it interesting she chose a town in Oregon not far from where my brother lives and included a character transplanted from Texas, my last state residence. I look forward to returning to Hope Harbor to visit these characters again.

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A Winsome Woman’s Wisdom: Anna Fitzgerald, Sister Keeper

31 Wednesday Oct 2018

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The girls in Mean Girls wear pink on Wednesdays. Though we think we leave drama and teenage angst behind when we graduate high school, the world continues to hand us lemons. We still struggle with maintaining a firm foundation of our values, discovering our identity, pursuing our purpose, developing relationships and more. The teenage angst lives on; therefore, we can still learn from young adults as they come of age. Let’s take a look at some ladies as they’ve forged their way into adulthood.

 

Anna Fitzgerald exists because her parents specifically created her embryo as a donor match for her older sister Kate in Jodi Picoult’s bestselling novel My Sister’s Keeper. The story follows Anna’s attempts to make donor decisions herself by filing a lawsuit against her parents. Her whole life has involved huge procedures all chosen for her; those also make it difficult for her to live life normally, almost as though she had leukemia too. Like most 13-year-olds, she feels unsure as she navigates making choices for herself, especially when tension arises due to her parents not agreeing.

In some ways, we all can relate to Anna in our desire for approval. We all seek approval from our parents, our peers, our friends even as adults. Yet we forget that we need not live by their standards. Even Queen Elizabeth I points this out to her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II in The Crown when she asserts that her job requires her to make decisions based on God’s approval rather than the general public. In most cases, this would follow the wiser direction anyway considering the unapproving parties tend to not have expertise in the field they project their opinion. Mrs. Fitzgerald unquestionably cares about her daughters, but she doesn’t have the expertise to understand what will happen to Kate or Anna if they follow through with a kidney donation. In fact, the doctor said Kate had passed the point in renal failure where it would benefit her. Anna seeks counsel and help from experts, despite not having her mother’s approval.

While we want to live at peace with those around us, it serves us all to stand on our proper foundations to make our decisions rather than sway to gain temporary approval. It also does us well to seek counsel from multiple sources. Chrystal Evans Hurst wisely encourages readers to gather multiple types of people for your support team in She’s Still There, including a mentor figure ahead of you on the same career path and a friend who cheers you on by your side. Having a firm foundation and a support team makes it easier to keep moving forward and stay focused on your purpose.

Desiring approval comes naturally. So does the angst felt when we don’t get it. However, we can continue forward with strength and purpose and do better than if we allowed ourselves to waver. We have support around us to give us the guidance and encouragement we need to make progress. Making decisions doesn’t necessarily get easier, but we can rest assured knowing we base them on truth.

Recognize Potential Growth and Ask for Specific Help Achieving It

30 Tuesday Oct 2018

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In my post yesterday, I mentioned the importance of specifics that included requests for help. Today I’d like to share specific ways someone may ask for help. Whether combatting obstacles of mental illness or not, we all need community and personal growth tools. Recognizing those needs and voicing them creates opportunities to deepen relationships and fuel progress on goals. Consider asking a trusted friend specific questions like these.

 

Five Ways to Ask for Help

  1. Could I have more time? Especially with depression, motivation seems lackluster at best. It takes longer than usual to do routine tasks just to get to the rest of the to-do list. Letting someone know you work to complete the task lets them know you have not quit. It also gives them a chance to offer to collaborate.
  2. Would you look at this list with me? I’ve been exploring options for graduate school. After passing on an opportunity to attend for free years ago and recently passing after almost agreeing to go $20,000 further in debt simply because that was the convenient option rather than wait, I want to make an informed decision and one that doesn’t inadvertently create a greater stress (like a greater debt than I already have). My best friend periodically asks how my progress looks. I’ve created a document with information on the schools I consider and shared it with her. This keeps me on track and allows me to bounce ideas as well as collect more perspective. If you have a goal to pursue a new career or add to your exercise routine, ask someone to look at your options with you.
  3. Would you go to this place with me? Sometimes we hesitate to go somewhere to avoid the discomfort. Having a friend for moral support can help. If it makes it possible for you to make a necessary appointment or to try a new group to gain community, get someone to go with you.
  4. Could I tell you something? Voicing a concern makes it real, thus makes it possible to face it. Ask a trusted friend if you can share your hesitations. Then you can start exploring ways to overcome your doubt. It also gives the person a way to give you support and encouragement. Again, my friend who asks me about my school progress also reminds me of my capabilities and intellect when I share my hesitations and doubts. It helps me keep the truth push me forward rather than let the doubt hold me in place.
  5. Can I confess something? This continues the concept of voicing an emotion or struggle to deal with it rather than let it fester. When we feel angry, avoiding the emotion allows us to bury it and grow roots of bitterness. Voicing the emotion in prayer or to a trusted friend puts it in the light to expose it to truth and let it go. The same thing happens when we confess a wrong we’ve done.

Book Review: Anxious for Nothing

26 Friday Oct 2018

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Max Lucado’s recent book Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World offers a biblical starting point for understanding and handling anxiety. Though he doesn’t delve into the science or psychology angle much, he does provide scriptural evidence for how we can handle it, and most importantly recognizes that it exists.

At times I found the book too simple, but it does at least acknowledge that anxiety does not have a simple solution. Lucado describes, “This business of anxiety management is like pulling stumps out of the ground. Some of your worries have deep root systems. Extracting them is hard work. In fact, it may be the toughest challenge of all. But you don’t have to do it alone” (76). Most of the book seems to better apply to worry, a much more common affliction and one with a simpler solution. Yet this reminds readers that anxiety goes deeper and involves hard work to conquer old roots and then develop new ones. Lucado also reminds us that we need not face worry or anxiety alone.

With a loving community providing extra support, it makes it possible to conquer anxiety. As we navigate the roots on this journey, we can learn how to communicate specifics about our concerns as we pray, whether related to anxiety, worry or any other topic. When we can acknowledge our request or difficulty, we can start to put an accurate description on it. Then we can seek help from God as we voice it as well as communicate our needs to others. In turn, we can all support each other in the details of our everyday lives as we pursue the bigger picture of our purpose. Peace can replace this anxiety as we acknowledge concerns, voice specific requests and focus on the truth.

I recommend this book as a starting point for acknowledging worry and anxiety and starting to confront those thoughts. Anyone can benefit from double checking what occupies their mind. We can all use a little more peace, and we all have access to it and the ability to adjust and develop our roots.

Thoughtful Thursday: Teal Pumpkin Project

25 Thursday Oct 2018

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As Halloween approaches and you anticipate children in costumes visiting you for a treat, consider participating in the Teal Pumpkin Project. Instead of buying a bag of candy, you can select another goody. Not only does this make Halloween a little better for the food allergy kids (this counted as one of many reasons I didn’t enjoy Halloween as a child), it can make it a healthier and safer event for everyone. The kids won’t have to worry about candy that can land them in a hospital or death bed, whether from a severe allergy or from poisoned or otherwise tainted candy. They also may not consume a high quantity of sugar, which would benefit their health greatly. Stores offer non-food items in the Halloween and party sections and include items like toys, stickers, and more. Numerous stores also sell teal pumpkins you can put outside your door to indicate your participation. You can purchase one of those or paint one yourself.

Rather than encourage the scary aspects of the day, let’s consider how we can use a day where neighbors interact more than usual to support positive interaction, safety and healthy habits.

This Is Us: “Deja Vu” Invites Pain to Experience Healing

23 Monday Oct 2017

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The third episode on this season’s This Is Us invites viewers to experience “Deja Vu” of their own past pain. Each one of the Big Three experiences a new layer of the loss of their dad as they embark on new parts of the personal journeys. Though the tragedy happened while they were teens, they still feel the pain. As Sylvester Stallone (playing himself) wisely points out, “There is no such thing as a long time ago. There’s only memories that mean something and those that don’t.” While Randall and Beth’s new foster child clearly shows signs of pain in her not so distant past, a lot of pain lurks below the surface where others can’t see easily. In all cases, we see a need to face the grief (or pain) and that it requires talking about it.

Jack continues to fight his alcohol related problems, which in the previous episode we see him literally fight at a boxing club, and he points out how going through AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and talking about his issues prove difficult for him. He knows his wife Rebecca stands by him and wants to partake in his recovery, yet he finds it hard to share his pain with her. Grown Kate and Kevin have an argument over neither one having talked about their dad’s death since they were teenagers. Kate, Kevin and Jack all take the first step of facing their grief and reaching the relief on the other side by recognizing they need to discuss their pain. Kate tells Kevin that she saw a counselor at her weight camp, and there she learned that she couldn’t talk about her father’s death. She now sees that not doing so is “like taking in a breath and holding it for the rest of your life.” By the end of the episode, she and Kevin make up, knowing they need to talk through their grief. Jack shares a similar conversation with Rebecca. We see him struggle to tell her what he experiences going through the AA program, but he finds the words to say that he struggles with it and that he wants to keep telling her and will over time. All the Pearsons exemplify how the healing and recovery processes are a journey and take time.

Meanwhile, Randall’s household grows both in number of occupants as well as in experienced pain as his family welcomes a teen foster child. During her first night, she has an argument with Beth, and we witness her flinch when Randall appears in the doorway to check on them. We don’t know her past yet that might have caused such a reaction, but it becomes clear that her history involves pain (and highly likely abuse). In her case it seems obvious due to the severity of her reaction to Randall, but those roots of pain don’t show themselves so obviously in everyone. Again, we see issues taking root from childhood. Like the Pearsons, she took on some pain and coping mechanisms at a young age. She too will have to undergo a healing process, hopefully with the Pearson family by her side.

One key aspect all these characters have in common in their childhood homes with Pearson parents is their known safety. Also, despite the circumstances, they clearly know their parental figures love them. Even those enduring healing and recovery find love, security and hope through their connections to each other. Jack finds the courage to stand by Rebecca and finish their date night with added intimacy after he shares his struggle with her, Kevin calls Kate to make up (she easily agrees) after their “twin fight” and admits he needs to talk about their dad, and Deja illustrates her high need to recognize her pain and need to heal when she slams down Randall’s family photo as she storms out of the living room.  The family members stand by each other.

As AA (or Celebrate Recovery) would point out, the first step to recovery is admission of the need for healing. These characters show how that helps them move forward. They also show that a long time ago does not guarantee healing. Not all may flinch like Deja does, but they show a need to face their grief and pain. Jack perfectly captures that struggle as he shares his difficulty in talking about his struggle. People commonly have a hard time confessing their pan to others. The Pearsons show the importance of holding onto their support system and persistently pursuing the next step on the healing and recovery journey.

Something Real, An Authentic Book

23 Monday Jan 2017

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Yesterday I finished read Heather Demetrios’s Something Real, a real gem of a book. Despite my cousin and me making jokes about me going on The Bachelor to find myself a husband (and shock our extended family), reality TV probably would not find its way into my life whether the camera followed me or I followed the show. However, I could relate to Chloe’s angst over coming to grips with a childhood that caused her angst and anxiety beyond her control.

As a reality star since birthday, Chloe/Bonnie Baker grew up in the public’s eye on Baker’s Dozen with her parents and twelve siblings. The show ended up getting cancelled in her early teen years after her parents got divorced and Bonnie, who later changes her name to Chloe to get distance from her trademarked self, overdoses on medication. She started public school with her brother as a senior, when she chose to start fresh with her identity. However, her mother decided to restart the show in an effort to financially provide for Chloe and her twelve other siblings.

Again, I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to have cameras watching my every move, broadcasting not only my positive moments but all my mistakes. I also couldn’t imagine having that many siblings around, though the thought terrified me. Yet I could relate to a constant angst in my own childhood, the feeling that my parents couldn’t see the pain caused by choices not my own even if made with the best intentions. My parents divorced as well, and by the time I reached Chloe’s age I had experienced that more than once. I also experienced (and still do) anxiety and depression. Those and some of my other health issues heightened some disconnect since they did not always make themselves evident. Unfortunately that disengagement only increased the severity of the problem. Chloe repeatedly expressed her concerns before she made the drastic decision to raid the medicine cabinet. When the show restarted, she again repeatedly voiced her concern, especially as her panic attacks returned. Ultimately, she sought legal counsel to separate herself from a main root of her anxiety.

That break in root was tough. Again, I could relate. She didn’t want to hurt her family, and I never wanted to break mine. As deep as family was, the root of pain went just as far. I admired her bravery and strength to make that cut. The book showed how the pain lingered and how she still wanted her family’s support and connection. They didn’t attend her high school graduation, and that stung Chloe. Yet she knew she had to move forward away from the cameras and therefore the Baker’s Dozen.

This story provided an authentic look into anxiety and other issues related to dysfunctional families. I appreciated how it showed the depth of the roots and how events or specific issues can ripple into other areas of life. It reminded me how important it was to invest in healthy relationships, like the close sibling bond Chloe has with her brother Benny and her group of friends, and in the counsel of experts like Chloe’s counselor and lawyer.

Meetings Follow-Up

22 Monday Feb 2016

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This week has started well, especially as I mentioned the importance of meetings in my last post. I made it to church yesterday morning and my support group this evening. As I’ve ventured out from my dip in isolation, I’ve found several supportive peers and friends eager to see me and encourage me. Tonight especially, I was repeatedly reminded that I need not travel this healing road alone and that sharing my struggle (as well as my victory) frees me and opens the lane for others coming down the same road; the content of the lesson on principle 8 associated with the twelfth step in the 12 Steps, which focuses on sharing God’s word and work by example, and a personalized word of encouragement from a woman who shares a similar experience as me have made me realize a truth that’s been on my heart: I need to continue forgiving and sharing my hurts, habits and hang-ups. I NEED to take this action.

Fortunately this action can make use of my spiritual gifts of writing, encouragement and teaching…and that’s just from sharing it via writing. Here’s to sharing my recovery journey, me seeing my healing and others seeing God’s light shining in and through it.

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Moving from Common Living to Dream Fulfilling

27 Monday Apr 2015

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            I just have finished reading a chapter in Max Lucado’s book The Cure for the Common Life: Living in Your Sweet Spot about joining God’s family of friends through church community. He emphasizes the importance of each member having a specific role to play, using his gifts, and how we come together as one body to support each other.

            The church as a hospital for hurt people is a common image used for Christians. This chapter demonstrates how the community helps its members by providing physical and emotional needs during difficult times. As I’ve mentioned previously, I’m taking a course on healing from past wounds at a nearby church. We have spent the last couple weeks sharing our backgrounds and starting a healing process that begins with forgiving people who have hurt us and relinquishing lies, etc. I have immediately seen a significant difference in how I feel since I’ve had my turn in the “holy seat” on Monday evening. Maybe the true beginning really is as simple as acknowledging that certain people have hurt me and forgiving them as well as acknowledging and renouncing lies or curses I have believed as a result of those situations. Nothing has changed the past, but I have started to loosen its negative grip on me as I live in a healthier present.

            Feeling better has made me feel more equipped to start tackling some of my goals again, big and small. I have shared this readiness and some of the dreams on my heart with my group, and I have received enthusiasm and encouragement. Immediately, one friend wanted to introduce me to a writer at the church who currently seeks young authors. Then the group as a whole is happy to see me healing and reaching out to fulfill God’s calling for me.

            That’s exactly what the church family of friends does for each other. These wonderful women have stood beside me as I have started healing and as I shared my scars. I never once felt judged, rather felt lifted up and seen in a positive light for who I am rather than things I have done or that have been done to me. They are helping me get plugged into the church, eager to see me use my gifts. Each week, I am reminded that there is no such thing as coincidence and that God placed me in this group for a purpose.

            As Max Lucado points out, the church is a family of friends. It can come together to serve each other through sharing burdens as well as connecting people for community and getting people plugged into the right place to use their gifts. I am not a member of a church in my area yet, but I am encouraged to keep getting involved to receive further healing from the church as a hospital as well as use my gifts to lift people higher and bring them closer together in fellowship.

The Greater The Distance

27 Tuesday Jan 2015

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I kid that I am sensitive in every meaning of the word and to obnoxious extents. For example, I have a long list of foods that cause allergic reactions, including several items that push my body to the extreme in anaphylaxis. My feelings don’t differ too much unfortunately despite how strong I appear or am. Just like I can’t control that certain snacks potentially could kill me, I can’t anymore control that my brain has a chemical imbalance stemming from biological factors as well as responses to past experiences. None of these things should be held against me, yet I can’t tell you how many times those reactions have been brushed off as insignificant. The added weight of all this discredit makes me want to distance myself from people right now.

I’m smart enough to know I shouldn’t take it to heart when I get asked twenty times a day why I wear gloves while working at Home Depot. No, I’m not doing forensics or surgery. No, it’s not because I have OCD (the person you asked while pointing at me can tell you that too). These people don’t mean to “poke” me as I say. It’s unusual, and they’re curious. Maybe they also missed their class on decorum. Yet when the amount of “pokes” increases, it ends up leaving a small bruise. I simply try to protect my skin from further inflammation or from an infection from exposing it raw to money, the FILTHIEST item on the planet.

Now I need to protect my heart and mind even more than usual. Unfortunately, depression has a lot of mystery and misunderstanding surrounding it. It’s easy for someone to look at a victim and accuse them of being lazy or to tell that person to “just get over it and be happy.” If it the solution or cure held such simplicity, no problem would exist. Wellmeaninged people have told me these very sentiments. Those “suggestions” do not prove fruitful. What seems to hurt most, whether aimed at a depressed or non-depressed person, is feelings getting dismissed. Even if they’re tears spilled over a dead squirrel on the road, they’re legitimate tears. Telling your loved one otherwise may result in that person creating distance between you and him or her or may lead them to guard themselves more.

Some people, like me, have to closely monitor what they eat in the interest of preserving their lives. Anaphylaxis is a serious issue, and so is depression. It sucks that something so simple can cause so much damage. Trust me; I know. I recently have visited the ER for a nice drug cocktail injected right into my veins after eating a salad. Yes, a simple healthy salad could have killed me. I don’t mean to be morbid, but depression, anxiety and PTSD symptoms kill people too. So I have to protect myself.

Life is tough. The cliche is true. We should move on and be happy. That’s true too. The so called advice people share has a good ring to it. Yet life holds no such simplicity. People eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all the time. I’d be in incredibly serious danger if I decided to have one for my lunch. I sure hope someone wouldn’t be ignorant enough to tell me, “People eat these all the time. You shouldn’t be blocking your airwaves. Get up and continue living” if I accidentally consumed one. I hope someone doesn’t say something similar the next time I sit immobile while crying in the dark. I’d rather not make myself live life alone and make the feeling of being alone true.