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Kayla's Only Heart

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Kayla's Only Heart

Tag Archives: roots

Hope Centered

04 Tuesday Dec 2018

Posted by Kayla Stierwalt in Poetry/Lyrics, Uncategorized

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Tags

bitterness, center, forgiviness, happiness, healing, heart, hope, poem, poetry, roots

Hope centered

on happiness fails

a faulty feeling

delivery fleeting

 

Bitterness roots

forgiveness heals

not a cure or easy

but better forgotten

 

Good intentions make

a centered goal

but guarantees

no desired result

 

For a heart knows not

complexities of itself

let alone another’s

so judge not unseen

 

 

A heart knot knows naught.

Hope Waits

03 Monday Dec 2018

Posted by Kayla Stierwalt in Poetry/Lyrics, Uncategorized

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growing, healing, hope, poem, poetry, roots, shame, waiting

Waiting, always

when shame goes

after all it sows

never knowing

 

Growing, rooted

some fruitful

others hurtful

rooted all the same

 

Sharing, hopeful

too afraid

offers made

yet none taken

 

Intending, helpful

not result

instead tumult

burying healing

Monday Motivation: Specifics

29 Monday Oct 2018

Posted by Kayla Stierwalt in Monday Motivation, Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

anxiety, Christian living, depression, goals, hope, mental illness, Monday Motivation, roots, truth

After reading Max Lucado’s Anxious for Nothing (review here), I have contemplated a bigger picture lesson of his insight to request help and to specific clear requests. Numerous people have offered their help when they’ve noticed I’m struggling, but neither I nor them end up making specific requests or offers in most cases. As numerous articles about how to help someone fighting depression point out, sufferers tend to not ask for help. So while the person offering to help does so with good intentions, those might not land anywhere without specifics from either party. This also happens in recovery of mental illness and substance abuse if issues remain vague rather than specific.

Much like with relational communication, when it comes to anxiety and depression, vague and unclear assessments make it difficult to move forward. Unfortunately, these symptoms create a cloud that makes clarity difficult. As we can recognize the symptoms and go further to acknowledge the roots, we can make it possible to specify causes, needs and goals. We can recognize anger, acknowledge it and then specify the cause. That makes it possible to deal with it and move on rather than bury it and let it grow roots of bitterness. It also allows us to communicate specifically in prayer. A named person and sin lifted in prayer gives us an opportunity to see grace at work as we forgive and experience peace. We can even learn to specify what triggers anger, anxiety, depression, etc. to face each one with detailed goals rather than a vague hope for improvement. Once we know what ails us, we can work with managing the details.

Anxiety, depression or any other mental health issue has a complicated and difficult journey for healing and management. Yet as we seek more understanding and can see details, we can make specific adjustments and requests. Acknowledging a need for help makes it possible to request it, and recognizing each issue makes it possible to manage it. An experience, feeling or thought noticed, specified and managed rather than buried makes it possible to diminish it rather than grow its own roots and negative fruit rather than let us stay grounded in truth. We have access specific insights into the truth. Therefore, we can conquer specific issues and meet specific goals.

Something Real, An Authentic Book

23 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by Kayla Stierwalt in books, Uncategorized

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angst, anxiety, authentic, authenticity, book, books, depression, dysfunctional, family, friends, healthy, Heather Demetrios, read, reading, real, roots, Something Real, support

Yesterday I finished read Heather Demetrios’s Something Real, a real gem of a book. Despite my cousin and me making jokes about me going on The Bachelor to find myself a husband (and shock our extended family), reality TV probably would not find its way into my life whether the camera followed me or I followed the show. However, I could relate to Chloe’s angst over coming to grips with a childhood that caused her angst and anxiety beyond her control.

As a reality star since birthday, Chloe/Bonnie Baker grew up in the public’s eye on Baker’s Dozen with her parents and twelve siblings. The show ended up getting cancelled in her early teen years after her parents got divorced and Bonnie, who later changes her name to Chloe to get distance from her trademarked self, overdoses on medication. She started public school with her brother as a senior, when she chose to start fresh with her identity. However, her mother decided to restart the show in an effort to financially provide for Chloe and her twelve other siblings.

Again, I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to have cameras watching my every move, broadcasting not only my positive moments but all my mistakes. I also couldn’t imagine having that many siblings around, though the thought terrified me. Yet I could relate to a constant angst in my own childhood, the feeling that my parents couldn’t see the pain caused by choices not my own even if made with the best intentions. My parents divorced as well, and by the time I reached Chloe’s age I had experienced that more than once. I also experienced (and still do) anxiety and depression. Those and some of my other health issues heightened some disconnect since they did not always make themselves evident. Unfortunately that disengagement only increased the severity of the problem. Chloe repeatedly expressed her concerns before she made the drastic decision to raid the medicine cabinet. When the show restarted, she again repeatedly voiced her concern, especially as her panic attacks returned. Ultimately, she sought legal counsel to separate herself from a main root of her anxiety.

That break in root was tough. Again, I could relate. She didn’t want to hurt her family, and I never wanted to break mine. As deep as family was, the root of pain went just as far. I admired her bravery and strength to make that cut. The book showed how the pain lingered and how she still wanted her family’s support and connection. They didn’t attend her high school graduation, and that stung Chloe. Yet she knew she had to move forward away from the cameras and therefore the Baker’s Dozen.

This story provided an authentic look into anxiety and other issues related to dysfunctional families. I appreciated how it showed the depth of the roots and how events or specific issues can ripple into other areas of life. It reminded me how important it was to invest in healthy relationships, like the close sibling bond Chloe has with her brother Benny and her group of friends, and in the counsel of experts like Chloe’s counselor and lawyer.

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You can't make advances if you don't take chances. These posts share my perspectives of my journey as I step forward, walking in the Light.

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              As it felt like I continued to fall deeper into darkness, I reminded myself to keep dreaming positively. My stars matched my pajamas to encourage my sleeping dreams as well.  The following weekend I ventured out with my friends to attend a Taking Back Sunday and The Used concert. Surrounding […]
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