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Kayla's Only Heart

~ Always learning. Always progressing.

Kayla's Only Heart

Tag Archives: recovery

This Is Us: “Deja Vu” Invites Pain to Experience Healing

23 Monday Oct 2017

Posted by Kayla Stierwalt in Uncategorized

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family, healing, NBC, pain, recovery, support, This Is Us, TV

The third episode on this season’s This Is Us invites viewers to experience “Deja Vu” of their own past pain. Each one of the Big Three experiences a new layer of the loss of their dad as they embark on new parts of the personal journeys. Though the tragedy happened while they were teens, they still feel the pain. As Sylvester Stallone (playing himself) wisely points out, “There is no such thing as a long time ago. There’s only memories that mean something and those that don’t.” While Randall and Beth’s new foster child clearly shows signs of pain in her not so distant past, a lot of pain lurks below the surface where others can’t see easily. In all cases, we see a need to face the grief (or pain) and that it requires talking about it.

Jack continues to fight his alcohol related problems, which in the previous episode we see him literally fight at a boxing club, and he points out how going through AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and talking about his issues prove difficult for him. He knows his wife Rebecca stands by him and wants to partake in his recovery, yet he finds it hard to share his pain with her. Grown Kate and Kevin have an argument over neither one having talked about their dad’s death since they were teenagers. Kate, Kevin and Jack all take the first step of facing their grief and reaching the relief on the other side by recognizing they need to discuss their pain. Kate tells Kevin that she saw a counselor at her weight camp, and there she learned that she couldn’t talk about her father’s death. She now sees that not doing so is “like taking in a breath and holding it for the rest of your life.” By the end of the episode, she and Kevin make up, knowing they need to talk through their grief. Jack shares a similar conversation with Rebecca. We see him struggle to tell her what he experiences going through the AA program, but he finds the words to say that he struggles with it and that he wants to keep telling her and will over time. All the Pearsons exemplify how the healing and recovery processes are a journey and take time.

Meanwhile, Randall’s household grows both in number of occupants as well as in experienced pain as his family welcomes a teen foster child. During her first night, she has an argument with Beth, and we witness her flinch when Randall appears in the doorway to check on them. We don’t know her past yet that might have caused such a reaction, but it becomes clear that her history involves pain (and highly likely abuse). In her case it seems obvious due to the severity of her reaction to Randall, but those roots of pain don’t show themselves so obviously in everyone. Again, we see issues taking root from childhood. Like the Pearsons, she took on some pain and coping mechanisms at a young age. She too will have to undergo a healing process, hopefully with the Pearson family by her side.

One key aspect all these characters have in common in their childhood homes with Pearson parents is their known safety. Also, despite the circumstances, they clearly know their parental figures love them. Even those enduring healing and recovery find love, security and hope through their connections to each other. Jack finds the courage to stand by Rebecca and finish their date night with added intimacy after he shares his struggle with her, Kevin calls Kate to make up (she easily agrees) after their “twin fight” and admits he needs to talk about their dad, and Deja illustrates her high need to recognize her pain and need to heal when she slams down Randall’s family photo as she storms out of the living room.  The family members stand by each other.

As AA (or Celebrate Recovery) would point out, the first step to recovery is admission of the need for healing. These characters show how that helps them move forward. They also show that a long time ago does not guarantee healing. Not all may flinch like Deja does, but they show a need to face their grief and pain. Jack perfectly captures that struggle as he shares his difficulty in talking about his struggle. People commonly have a hard time confessing their pan to others. The Pearsons show the importance of holding onto their support system and persistently pursuing the next step on the healing and recovery journey.

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Meetings Follow-Up

22 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by Kayla Stierwalt in Journal, Uncategorized

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12 Steps, action, Celebrate Recovery, Christian, Christian living, clouds, encouragement, flowers, forgiveness, healing, hope, hurt, Lent, light, recovery, support

This week has started well, especially as I mentioned the importance of meetings in my last post. I made it to church yesterday morning and my support group this evening. As I’ve ventured out from my dip in isolation, I’ve found several supportive peers and friends eager to see me and encourage me. Tonight especially, I was repeatedly reminded that I need not travel this healing road alone and that sharing my struggle (as well as my victory) frees me and opens the lane for others coming down the same road; the content of the lesson on principle 8 associated with the twelfth step in the 12 Steps, which focuses on sharing God’s word and work by example, and a personalized word of encouragement from a woman who shares a similar experience as me have made me realize a truth that’s been on my heart: I need to continue forgiving and sharing my hurts, habits and hang-ups. I NEED to take this action.

Fortunately this action can make use of my spiritual gifts of writing, encouragement and teaching…and that’s just from sharing it via writing. Here’s to sharing my recovery journey, me seeing my healing and others seeing God’s light shining in and through it.

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Lent Reflection: Meetings

18 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by Kayla Stierwalt in Essay, Journal, Uncategorized

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Celebrate Recovery, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, church, community, depression, fasting, focus, friends, God, grace, growth, healing, hope, Jesus, Lent, light, meetings, perspective, recovery, scripture, stability, structure

Lent started just over a week ago, and today I start a new project of sorts to give me a better focus on God during this special time (yes, it’s okay to start late). Rather than fast from a particular food or activity during this season, I typically carve out some extra time to focus on God by using my spiritual gift of encouragement. This project I’ve mentioned involves taking that in a different direction. I plan to carve out time a couple times each week to reflect on my healing, how God has fulfilled it. For me, that is best done through writing or journaling (which I already do on a daily basis in the interest of maintaining my overall health).

The past couple weeks, I’ve contemplated the importance of regular meetings. “Meeting” can allude to an array of subjects to discuss at said gatherings. While I have noticed that having regular meeting times provides my life more structure and meaning, I have also contemplated the effect of regular meeting times for worship and community with God’s family.

In college, I found it easier to manage my symptoms of depression, anxiety and PTSD.  I created a routine and stuck to it, successfully accomplishing my goals to regularly exercise, pray, have mealtimes with friends, maintain my leadership position at Campus Christian Fellowship, attend worship services throughout the week and complete my school work and projects. I felt good about these tasks and my activities; I felt connected and enriched. I could see my growth. I have only recently noticed the pattern of meeting in the context of worship and spiritual growth having a significant role in keeping my focus and perspective on track. I was regularly reminded of Scripture and how God’s love fulfills it on a daily basis. I also met with a counselor and mentor to help me apply that to my life to keep my focus on the light rather than the darkness that tends to hover around me. All those meetings took up a considerable amount of time, but they made it possible for me to continue moving forward, and, most importantly, in the light.

The transition from college to the so-called “real world” can prove rough for everyone. Fortunately, I know I am not alone. Several friends have shared my struggle in finding a meaningful job or selecting the direction they want to take their careers. Transition of any sort has its difficulties. I just can’t help but see the importance and benefit of transitioning into more meetings to maintain the structure and stability of corporate worship and community. Even someone at a recent support group meeting mentioned how attending three different support groups every week for a while made it possible for her to step away from her destructive path; she even emphasized that continuing to attend meetings (this is more than fifteen years later) keeps her on that track. Sadly, as this same person shared, she’s been around long enough to see people get sober from drugs for years and then go back once they stop attending meetings. We all need constant meetings to keep our focus and accountability in perspective.

That brings me to a new goal. The past several weeks, I have adjusted my schedule to make it easier for me to regularly attend the church service where I feel most comfortable and the Celebrate Recovery program I feel most at home. Even a couple weeks of attending both meetings gave me a better structure and a sense of stability to keep me on track to progress my healing. I know I will add more meetings, but that gives me a good start. I can also rest assured that both those meetings maintain a focus on God’s grace and love.

 

Lent is a time to fast and focus. God can use focus and perspective through meetings to keep us on track. What meeting can you commit to attending, even just during Lent to give your time to improve your relationship with God and your life?

 

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You can't make advances if you don't take chances. These posts share my perspectives of my journey as I step forward, walking in the Light.

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