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Kayla's Only Heart

~ Always learning. Always progressing.

Kayla's Only Heart

Tag Archives: personal growth

Recognize Potential Growth and Ask for Specific Help Achieving It

30 Tuesday Oct 2018

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Uncategorized

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community, decisions, goals, mental health, obstacles, personal growth, potential, progress, relationships, support

In my post yesterday, I mentioned the importance of specifics that included requests for help. Today I’d like to share specific ways someone may ask for help. Whether combatting obstacles of mental illness or not, we all need community and personal growth tools. Recognizing those needs and voicing them creates opportunities to deepen relationships and fuel progress on goals. Consider asking a trusted friend specific questions like these.

 

Five Ways to Ask for Help

  1. Could I have more time? Especially with depression, motivation seems lackluster at best. It takes longer than usual to do routine tasks just to get to the rest of the to-do list. Letting someone know you work to complete the task lets them know you have not quit. It also gives them a chance to offer to collaborate.
  2. Would you look at this list with me? I’ve been exploring options for graduate school. After passing on an opportunity to attend for free years ago and recently passing after almost agreeing to go $20,000 further in debt simply because that was the convenient option rather than wait, I want to make an informed decision and one that doesn’t inadvertently create a greater stress (like a greater debt than I already have). My best friend periodically asks how my progress looks. I’ve created a document with information on the schools I consider and shared it with her. This keeps me on track and allows me to bounce ideas as well as collect more perspective. If you have a goal to pursue a new career or add to your exercise routine, ask someone to look at your options with you.
  3. Would you go to this place with me? Sometimes we hesitate to go somewhere to avoid the discomfort. Having a friend for moral support can help. If it makes it possible for you to make a necessary appointment or to try a new group to gain community, get someone to go with you.
  4. Could I tell you something? Voicing a concern makes it real, thus makes it possible to face it. Ask a trusted friend if you can share your hesitations. Then you can start exploring ways to overcome your doubt. It also gives the person a way to give you support and encouragement. Again, my friend who asks me about my school progress also reminds me of my capabilities and intellect when I share my hesitations and doubts. It helps me keep the truth push me forward rather than let the doubt hold me in place.
  5. Can I confess something? This continues the concept of voicing an emotion or struggle to deal with it rather than let it fester. When we feel angry, avoiding the emotion allows us to bury it and grow roots of bitterness. Voicing the emotion in prayer or to a trusted friend puts it in the light to expose it to truth and let it go. The same thing happens when we confess a wrong we’ve done.

Monday Motivation: More to Learn

15 Monday Oct 2018

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in books, Monday Motivation, Uncategorized

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Anne of Green Gables, book club, books, fall, learn, Modern Mrs. Darcy, Monday, motivation, personal growth, progress, reading, wonder

Anne of Green Gables sounds like a perfect spring or summer read considering the green landscape, blooming trees and adventurous Anne, but I see it makes it onto fall reading lists as well. More importantly, it has made it onto my fall reading list, made even better by doing it as a community read with fellow Modern Mrs. Darcy Book Club members. I finally have met Anne Shirley, and I must say I immensely enjoy her story thus far (I’ve read the first quarter).

Readers meet Anne when her adoptive father Matthew Cuthbert picks her up from the train station, and immediately her curious and adventurous spirit shows. Throughout her ride to Green Gables, she asks Matthew questions and marvels at the beauty of the landscape around her. Matthew answers honestly several times, saying, “I dunno” in response to the red headed child’s musings. Yet she maintains her sense of wonder. Responding to one of Matthew’s “I dunno” answers, she says:

“Well, that is one of the things to find out sometime. Isn’t it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive-it’s such an interesting world. It wouldn’t be half so interesting if we knew all about everything, would it? There’d be no scope for imagination then, would there?”

We all have this sense of wonder to some extent, imaginative spirits or not. Thankfully, we don’t know all there is to know in this world. The quest for knowledge keeps us moving forward, hopefully developing as people in the process. As we learn more, we can understand ourselves and others more. We can continue to progress our lives, goals, careers, and relationships.

Consider spending some time gaining a better understanding of a topic, whether it involve conflict management, nutrition, spiritual growth, history, or any number of subjects. Books exist covering numerous concepts, and most cities have groups or resources we can use to gain this insight. Even simply talking to people around us and asking the question Kelly Corrigan wisely learns and explains in Tell Me More (this month’s Modern Mrs. Darcy Book Club selection), can lead to greater insight on endless topics. Let’s seek to know more!

 

What would you like to learn? On what topic would you like to gain a greater knowledge? I’d love to know; share in the comment section.

Winsome Women Wednesday: To All the Boys

03 Wednesday Oct 2018

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in books, Uncategorized, Winsome Women Wednesday

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bookish, connection, friends, friendship, high school, personal growth, relationships, To All the Boys I've Loved Before, Wednesday

The girls in Mean Girls wear pink on Wednesdays. Though we think we leave drama and teenage angst behind when we graduate high school, the world continues to hand us lemons. We still struggle with maintaining a firm foundation of our values, discovering our identity, pursuing our purpose, developing relationships and more. The teenage angst lives on; therefore, we can still learn from young adults as they come of age. Let’s take a look at some ladies as they’ve forged their way into adulthood.

My best friend and I recently have read and discussed Jenny Han’s To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before for our long distance book club, and it has led to some fun discussions about boys and high school and life. The story follows Lara Jean as she adjusts to life at home with her younger sister and father after her older sister heads to Scotland for college. During that time, the letters Lara Jean wrote to her previous crushes find their way from her private hat box to the boys’ mailboxes. She discovers the deliveries subsequently develops her ability actually to talk to the boys.

My high school friends and I resembled Lara Jean a lot in our lack of conversations with boys. Sure, we talked about them; we just didn’t exactly talk to them. However, we did slip anonymous cheesy love poems into boys’ lockers for fun. We enjoyed giggling while writing them and then watching the recipients’ faces as they read. We eventually progressed from there to have a couple dates and boyfriends in the groups.

Lara Jean has to face what we all have to face: learning the art of conversation and connection. She writes letters to express her feelings and her disappointments that nothing develops between her and her crushes. Once they get into the hands of the crushes, she sees that they lead to connections. From there, she learns to navigate the hopes, embarrassments, thrills and disappointments of talking to boys. As she gets to know a couple of them, she deciphers who she can trust and who might have the potential to become more than a crush.

Whether for friendships or relationships, we all have to brave the unknown and start conversations with people. As we get to know people who may have similar interests or in whom we have an interest, we can develop those relationships. Lara Jean finds a reminder of the importance of the connections around her, ranging from having new conversations with her sister to maintain their closeness after she leaves for college to admitting to her old crush she used to like him. We don’t know what depths a relationship may hold until we start conversations. Even with familiar ones, we can gain even more from maintaining the connection. So here’s to facing the unknown and the discomfort of continuing conversations to keep us connected.

Book Review: Reading People by Anne Bogel

22 Friday Jun 2018

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in books, Uncategorized

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Anne Bogel, Baker Books, book club, book review, bookish, books, Christian living, Modern Mrs. Darcy, Nashville, personal growth, personality, Reading People

I received a copy of Reading People: How Seeing the World through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything by Anne Bogel from Baker Books in exchange for a review.

I love this book and , even more, I love that this book has led me to Anne and the Modern Mrs. Darcy Book Club. Reading People appeals to my interest in understanding personality and people on a deeper level. While it covers a lot of information I have already read (I’ve read numerous books about the Myers-Briggs personality typing), it gives a wonderful overview of various approaches. I recommend it as a place to start and as a resource for books to continue research. I agree with Anne that understanding these can help you understand yourself better and therefore know your strengths and tendencies and how to cater to those as you structure your life for success. Anne makes this information accessible and interesting for anyone, an accomplished feat considering the complexity of the subject. Her voice welcomes readers into this informative world in an enlightening way that truly highlights the wonderful aspects of understanding personalities and ourselves. I love how she does this.

Again, I love this book. From here, I plan to continue reading more in-depth books on each approach as I make my way through her resource list to add to my current collection of similar books. I recommend it as a refresher and as a place to start whether you want to explore all the approaches or just certain ones.

 

As a side note, this book led me to Anne’s Modern Mrs. Darcy website, What Should I Read Next podcast and Modern Mrs. Darcy Book Club. My book arrived the day I moved from Houston, Texas to Bowling Green, Kentucky. I read the author bio on the back and noticed she lived in Kentucky too. Then I saw the pages in the back that led to her websites. I ended up joining the book club and meeting some wonderful people and books as I got settled in my new city. Last night I even had the pleasure of meeting Anne and some of the book club members in the Nashville area, and we had great bookish conversation and a book swap. In short, I recommend checking out Anne’s resources and recommendations. She has a gifted eye for those.

Moving from Common Living to Dream Fulfilling

27 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Journal, Photography

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book, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, church, common, community, dreams, encouragement, family, friends, fulfillment, gifts, goals, healing, heart, hurt, Max Lucado, nature, personal growth, Photo, photography, reading, role, spiritual gifts, support, tree, writer, writing

  

            I just have finished reading a chapter in Max Lucado’s book The Cure for the Common Life: Living in Your Sweet Spot about joining God’s family of friends through church community. He emphasizes the importance of each member having a specific role to play, using his gifts, and how we come together as one body to support each other.

            The church as a hospital for hurt people is a common image used for Christians. This chapter demonstrates how the community helps its members by providing physical and emotional needs during difficult times. As I’ve mentioned previously, I’m taking a course on healing from past wounds at a nearby church. We have spent the last couple weeks sharing our backgrounds and starting a healing process that begins with forgiving people who have hurt us and relinquishing lies, etc. I have immediately seen a significant difference in how I feel since I’ve had my turn in the “holy seat” on Monday evening. Maybe the true beginning really is as simple as acknowledging that certain people have hurt me and forgiving them as well as acknowledging and renouncing lies or curses I have believed as a result of those situations. Nothing has changed the past, but I have started to loosen its negative grip on me as I live in a healthier present.

            Feeling better has made me feel more equipped to start tackling some of my goals again, big and small. I have shared this readiness and some of the dreams on my heart with my group, and I have received enthusiasm and encouragement. Immediately, one friend wanted to introduce me to a writer at the church who currently seeks young authors. Then the group as a whole is happy to see me healing and reaching out to fulfill God’s calling for me.

            That’s exactly what the church family of friends does for each other. These wonderful women have stood beside me as I have started healing and as I shared my scars. I never once felt judged, rather felt lifted up and seen in a positive light for who I am rather than things I have done or that have been done to me. They are helping me get plugged into the church, eager to see me use my gifts. Each week, I am reminded that there is no such thing as coincidence and that God placed me in this group for a purpose.

            As Max Lucado points out, the church is a family of friends. It can come together to serve each other through sharing burdens as well as connecting people for community and getting people plugged into the right place to use their gifts. I am not a member of a church in my area yet, but I am encouraged to keep getting involved to receive further healing from the church as a hospital as well as use my gifts to lift people higher and bring them closer together in fellowship.

One Forest

10 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

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connection, dreams, forest, growth, life, love, moon, nature, people, personal growth, poem, poetry, sky, trees

A pale moon still glows 
Daylight bringing new
Dreams from sleep possible

I awoke closer to you 
Thoughts bridging gaps
Night and day become one

Shadows cast on me 
Only emphasize what’s left
Those few green branches 

What otherwise seems bare
Simply waits to grow
Needles, flowers, leaves emerge 

Reaching out, reaching up
I connect tree to tree
One forest of growth

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You can't make advances if you don't take chances. These posts share my perspectives of my journey as I step forward, walking in the Light.

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