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Kayla's Only Heart

~ Always learning. Always progressing.

Kayla's Only Heart

Tag Archives: long distance

The Greater The Distance

27 Tuesday Jan 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Journal

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

allergies, alone, anaphylaxis, anxiety, cliche, communication, depression, empathy, family, friends, happiness, health, heart, help, ignorance, improvement, issues, life, long distance, mind, PTSD, reaction, sensitive, sensitivity, support, sympathy

I kid that I am sensitive in every meaning of the word and to obnoxious extents. For example, I have a long list of foods that cause allergic reactions, including several items that push my body to the extreme in anaphylaxis. My feelings don’t differ too much unfortunately despite how strong I appear or am. Just like I can’t control that certain snacks potentially could kill me, I can’t anymore control that my brain has a chemical imbalance stemming from biological factors as well as responses to past experiences. None of these things should be held against me, yet I can’t tell you how many times those reactions have been brushed off as insignificant. The added weight of all this discredit makes me want to distance myself from people right now.

I’m smart enough to know I shouldn’t take it to heart when I get asked twenty times a day why I wear gloves while working at Home Depot. No, I’m not doing forensics or surgery. No, it’s not because I have OCD (the person you asked while pointing at me can tell you that too). These people don’t mean to “poke” me as I say. It’s unusual, and they’re curious. Maybe they also missed their class on decorum. Yet when the amount of “pokes” increases, it ends up leaving a small bruise. I simply try to protect my skin from further inflammation or from an infection from exposing it raw to money, the FILTHIEST item on the planet.

Now I need to protect my heart and mind even more than usual. Unfortunately, depression has a lot of mystery and misunderstanding surrounding it. It’s easy for someone to look at a victim and accuse them of being lazy or to tell that person to “just get over it and be happy.” If it the solution or cure held such simplicity, no problem would exist. Wellmeaninged people have told me these very sentiments. Those “suggestions” do not prove fruitful. What seems to hurt most, whether aimed at a depressed or non-depressed person, is feelings getting dismissed. Even if they’re tears spilled over a dead squirrel on the road, they’re legitimate tears. Telling your loved one otherwise may result in that person creating distance between you and him or her or may lead them to guard themselves more.

Some people, like me, have to closely monitor what they eat in the interest of preserving their lives. Anaphylaxis is a serious issue, and so is depression. It sucks that something so simple can cause so much damage. Trust me; I know. I recently have visited the ER for a nice drug cocktail injected right into my veins after eating a salad. Yes, a simple healthy salad could have killed me. I don’t mean to be morbid, but depression, anxiety and PTSD symptoms kill people too. So I have to protect myself.

Life is tough. The cliche is true. We should move on and be happy. That’s true too. The so called advice people share has a good ring to it. Yet life holds no such simplicity. People eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all the time. I’d be in incredibly serious danger if I decided to have one for my lunch. I sure hope someone wouldn’t be ignorant enough to tell me, “People eat these all the time. You shouldn’t be blocking your airwaves. Get up and continue living” if I accidentally consumed one. I hope someone doesn’t say something similar the next time I sit immobile while crying in the dark. I’d rather not make myself live life alone and make the feeling of being alone true.

Still There

14 Tuesday Oct 2014

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

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Tags

Haiku, long distance, love, poem, poetry, wish, wishes, wishing

Fighting what’s inside
You witness at a distance
Wishing you were here

Call Me

12 Sunday Oct 2014

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

friends, friendship, Haiku, long distance, poem, poetry, relationship

Thank you for calling
Saying we’d stay friends after
Caring from afar

Bedtime Story

03 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

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Tags

bedtime, loneliness, lonely, long distance, loss, love, love poem, memories, memory, poem, poetry, relationship, relationships

You knew just how much

I would miss you here

How hard it would be

To feel this empty space

You couldn’t hold me

Not anymore, even from afar

Our last night bridged by screens

Closing the distance of longing eyes

Alone after you left me cold

I no longer feel you close

All through the night

Never letting go, pulling me tight

You always turned me to you

Never taking my back but heart

So you left this shirt

An offering off your back

You knew it good on you

So you gave tangible memory

Tucked in my closet, worn to bed

You knew our love, never dead

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Axis Lines

05 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

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Tags

friendship, heart, home, hurt, long distance, loss, love, new beginning, poem, poetry, relationship, relationships, reunion, time

I know you don’t love her

That’s why you come here

Alone, finding me again

I have what you need

 

You ask me how long

For me to later realize

How far you have to go

Before you really know her

 

You could barely stand a day

Without me, always chasing

Now you leave her behind

Barely swelling with child

 

Do you understand what she feels

Married, impregnated, alone

All with no discussion

Not bonding a lifelong companion

 

Yet here we are, axis centered

You’ve come home and smiled again

I see behind those eyes

That longing you bury, belonging

 

We’re side by side again

Guarded, not together but united

Hearts ticking as one

returning to my place you call home

Home Sweet Home

25 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

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Tags

breakup, dream, forever, goodbye, home, long distance, love, love poem, poem, poetry, relationship, relationships, romance, weakness

I wake from a dream,

A place where you’re with me,

With an empty seat now beside

I must wait to see

If our waking hours

Open our eyes to

Our story forever realizing

All our life will be

Though it may come

At a greater upfront fee

The choices honors the miraculous

 

I confessed missing you

As big as the sky

When you first asked nervously

Riding that discovered high

Now we coast the clouds

In vessels we don’t fly

Can you feel it too

That ache too thorough to deny

The hesitancy a sting that relieves

In love we can still purify

When you come back home

photo courtesy of the man who flew away on this plane

photo courtesy of the man who flew away on this plane

Quiet Night

16 Thursday Jan 2014

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

boyfriend, future, light, long distance, love, love poem, move, poem, poetry, romance, sight

I’ve got the promise of a city new

Made my move in bolder light

All that’s left is you

To keep us in one sight

 

I know you as one of few

so tell me this is right

when I don’t hear you

again for another night

 

I don’t know what to do

Not all times are bright

It’s all because of you

It feels I’m losing a fight

 

My heart runs askew

When I’m in your mind, out of sight

All it wants is you

To shine forth all your might

 

Because together, always new

We dance in the light

Where the guide is you

Always in my sight

Here to There

14 Monday Oct 2013

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

boyfriend, family, future, holidays, long distance, love, love poem, poem, poetry, rhyme, romance

My boyfriend may not be
Near
But his shirt is
Here

I shrug over shoulders
Covered
A part of him still
Hovered

I may curl up
Alone
But don’t hear wrong
Tone

For when I plan
Away
He goes too
Say

Join my family
Me
Too for holiday soon
See

New faces for me not
Him
A step into us and them
Prim

The proper way to say
Ring
A note with all the chorus
Sing

We too harmonize above
Discord
We find in our armor
Sword

But no battle
Sets
For firm ground
Wets

Seeds to grow
Toward
Blossomed fruit
Adored

20131014-225725.jpg

38.627003 -90.199404

Love Suits Him

02 Monday Sep 2013

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

boyfriend, date night, long distance, love, poem, poetry, relationship

I want to put my dress on

And step into my heels

Let that leather shine

Tie my hair over my shoulder

 

My man’s got his suit on

A jacket wraps his chest

A seal over his heart for me

He reveals as he’s bolder

 

He sits on the black couch

And offers his lap as cushion

I join the motion for two

Getting closer before I get colder

 

For the days count on

One bye one, over distance or none

We close our eyes to be one

A breath in reunites my soldier

 

nights are darker without him

but I wish upon the stars

the love lights over distance

a shared sight as love too grows older

 

for me he always comes

to take us out as suits

the way we love one another

my heart holds that of its beholder

 

IMG_1259

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