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Kayla's Only Heart

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Kayla's Only Heart

Tag Archives: identity

The Great American Reader: Harry Potter – Ask Questions

08 Friday Feb 2019

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in books, Uncategorized

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bookish, books, childhood, family, Great American Read, Great American Reader, growth, Harry Potter, hope, identity, questions, shame

Harry Potter lives with his aunt, uncle and cousin after witnessing his parents’ deaths as an infant. The Dursleys provide the worst home environment imagination. Mostly ignored, Harry sleeps in the cupboard under the stairs with spiders, the other unwanted species in the house. He learns early that his adoptive family does not welcome questions. Early on, the book notes, “Don’t ask questions – that was the first rule for a quiet life with the Dursleys.” Harry first realizes this when he asks Aunt Petunia about the scar on his forehead and only finds out the truth later from a stranger. Though they may bring up uncomfortable conversations, questions play a crucial role in developing relationships as well as forming an identity and values.

Harry’s aunt and uncle deny him a lot more than his physical needs. They neglect him as a person, and provide him not only no familial bonds but no sense of himself either. Wondering what happened to his parents leaves a gap in Harry’s heart. The brush offs regarding his questions do not give him a route to learn about his own history, let alone forge his own identity. They also do not ask him questions, making it easy to gloss over the fact that they do not give Harry what he needs as a child. When they don’t ask if he got enough food after losing half his meal, they don’t have to acknowledge he may go hungry.

These scenarios play out in everyday life too. Rather than ask for more details, we assume someone can manage just fine. Not knowing someone could use help makes it easier to tell ourselves we don’t need to offer any. Guessing the answer to someone’s question or brushing it off as unimportant invites shame or distances trust because that person hears they struggle with a task simple to everyone else. Instead of pushing off the discomfort, let’s welcome the potential to grow from questions. Sorting through the answers can launch numerous positive aspects like a stronger sense of self, a deeper bond between the people discussing and a higher level of understanding.

Monday Motivation – The Great American Reader: “Yer a wizard”

28 Monday Jan 2019

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in books, The Great American Reader, Uncategorized

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bookish, books, friends, goals, Great American Read, Great American Reader, Harry Potter, identity, magic, mentor, motivation, school, support, truth

Harry Potter, the famous boy who lived, enters the world as a wizard. Yet he grows up not knowing about his identity or the world from which it comes. Once he finally receives his acceptance letter from Hogwarts, thanks to Hagrid’s hand delivery, he begins to learn about wizardry. This involves going to Diagon Alley to get his school supplies and finding a magical train platform that will take him to his destination.

As Harry prepares to get sorted into his house and to start classes, he worries that he lacks critical skills due to growing up in a muggle household (meaning one with no magic). He ponders how his classmates might make fun of him and how he may fail. However, he quickly realizes that his wizard counterparts possess no more know how than he does. They all have a lot to learn, and they each have a path to follow.

Lately, I’ve felt how Harry does about beginning school. He learns about a whole new world at age eleven, and he discovers that it doesn’t matter that he discovered it later than many of his classmates. Like many people, I face various insecurities. I even have them about school. Graduate school also holds a world some know and some don’t, that some appreciate and others don’t. Again, people who attend discover their path to knowledge at different ages. I have friends who went from undergrad straight to grad school and friends who began their higher degrees in their 40s or 50s. All of these people have improved their lives and careers, some even changing direction from their previous degrees, because of their pursuit. Like Harry Potter, I have learned that I have not fallen behind because I begin later than some of my peers.

In addition to accepting that Harry has not in fact discovered his identity and world too late, he learns whose voices to give credit and whose to deflect. His aunt and uncle despise the wizarding world and put Harry down, and bully Draco Malfoy acts as anyone not pure blooded has no place at Hogwarts. Yet Harry sees that everyone there has their place. He quickly finds a group of friends who keep him grounded and mentors who remind him of the truth. Fortunately, we too can deflect the negative voices who feed our doubt to keep us down and instead lean on our supportive friends and mentors to remind us our goals have value and that we can reach them.

 

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” 

George Eliot

The Great American Reader: Harry Potter

12 Saturday Jan 2019

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in books, The Great American Reader, Uncategorized

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bookish, books, children's literature, Great American Read, Great American Reader, Harry Potter, identity, J.K. Rowling, magic, school, series, wizard, YA, young adult

The Harry Potter series has a top spot on PBS’s The Great American Read list, and some fellow Modern Mrs. Darcy Book Club members have decided to read the entire series over the course of the year. That gives me an opportunity to keep a slow, steady pace to dive deeper into J.K. Rowling’s stories and characters, especially since this is not the first time I’ve read them. I have started Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone this weekend and already see points of interest. This series has so many angles and resources to see.

Grab a broomstick (or catch the Hogwarts Express train) and follow me to Hogwarts castle as Harry realizes the truth behind “yer a wizard” and attends the School of Magic for the first time. Harry figures out his identity, and the story keeps the wizarding world at stake through an epic battle of good versus evil. Follow along for a coming of age story for the ages.

Book Review: Exit West

07 Monday Jan 2019

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in books, Uncategorized

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belonging, book review, books, Exit West, hope, identity, immigration, magical realism, Mohsin Hamid

Mohsin Hamid’s Exit West captures a love story and the trials of immigration. With a touch of magical realism, people can passage into a new country by stepping through the threshold of certain doors. This takes out the long, brutal reality of finding a way to get into a desired place, but that also opens up the potential to explore the effects of these moves. Nadia and Saeed’s love story demonstrates the hope, decisions and distance from loved ones involved in such endeavors.

This relatively short novel has depth in its magical pages. It reads easily, but I wish I took it at a slower pace so I could contemplate longer what the characters experienced. I appreciate how it gives perspective on how identity and belonging shifts as Nadia and Saeed each feel they connect with different groups as they settle into new aspects of their lives.

 

Further reading:

For a realistic dive into a family’s decision to immigrate, I recommend Border Child by Michel Stone. It explores a Mexican couple’s gut-wrenching search to locate their daughter.

 

Winsome Women Wednesday

19 Wednesday Sep 2018

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in books, Uncategorized, Winsome Women Wednesday

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angst, culture, goals, identity, lifestyle, teens, values, Wednesday, women

The girls in Mean Girls wear pink on Wednesdays. Though we think we leave drama and teenage angst behind when we graduate high school, the world continues to hand us lemons. We still struggle with maintaining a firm foundation of our values, discovering our identity, pursuing our purpose, developing relationships and more. The teenage angst lives on; therefore, we can still learn from young adults as they come of age. Let’s take a look at some ladies as they’ve forged their way into adulthood.

 

My best friend (since high school) and I recently have read Gayle Forman’s Just One Day for a buddy read. Allyson finds herself exploring Europe after her graduation, a gift from her parents to help her gain some cultural experiences in the great wide world. There, she meets a boy acting in a street Shakespeare company. Mirroring the comedy’s mixture of romance and comedic deceit, Allyson finds herself wondering where she bases her identity as well as what happened to Willem after he disappeared.

As Allyson begins college, we find her facing many familiar dilemmas for a freshman. She decides to go by Allyson again rather than the identity she tried in Europe at the insistence of her high school BFF, and she finds herself not performing well in her classes. After a meeting with her guidance counselor, she drops her science classes she took to pursue a career as a physician, a dream she later realizes is a fulfillment of her mother’s, in the interest of trying a couple new classes. Shakespeare enters the scene again as she joins a literature class where she meets her new friend Dee.

Dee contrasts Allyson as he changes his mask to match each person’s assumptions of him. Eventually, they discuss which of them truly know themselves and feels comfortable in that identity. Allyson finds herself doing well in her new classes and finally discusses her wants with her mom. As she moves forward communicating her needs and goals with those important to her, she finds an anchor for herself. Her relationships become closer and more genuine, she makes her decisions based on her values rather than someone else’s expectations and she meets her goals even if she experiences setbacks.

Unfortunately, most of us still struggle to find, own and present our true identities to those around us. We face expectations based on our roles, and we want to please others. Yet everyone ranks what they value a little differently. When we make our decisions based on what most matches our values and goals, it makes situations unfold a lot smoother. So take some time to consider how you would rank your values and then hold your dilemmas up to them. It might make it easier to move forward.

Book Review: The Perfect You

22 Friday Sep 2017

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in books, Uncategorized

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Baker Books, Baker Books Bloggers, book, book review, books, Christian, Christian living, identity, thoughts

I received a copy of Dr. Caroline Leaf’s book The Perfect You: A Blueprint for Identity in exchange for an honest review.

This selection reads like an easily accessible textbook. While that may conjure an image of a boring book, it provides a lot of insight. The idea of understanding how your thoughts work and how you can shape them to improve your life gives you not only knowledge but hope. As Leaf explains, a lot of people feel stuck in their negative thought patterns, and she shares understanding and guidance to alter those for the better.

Leaf divides the book into sections, separating the parts that explain how the thought processes work and the biblical bases she uses with the assessment tool and explanations on how to apply it. The flow generally made sense as it gave a foundation for the information so you could have a strong base to use the assessment rather than simply take the assessment and have no background for it. I preferred the first two sections most as they provided all the information. However, the assessment could be used as a workbook for further reflection. I would like to spend more time on nit to use it as an ongoing source of encouragement and growth. The assessment has a lot of questions and depth to it, so it seems like this can be used over a lengthy time for best results.

I enjoyed the book overall, both for its insight as well as its tools for improvement. Leaf knows her brain as well as her bible. I particularly liked how she ties them together. She makes the information accessible and relatable to real life by pointing out how people feel when they do good and how we tend to steer our thoughts. Then she anchors the hope for improvement using biblical principles on how God created us and continues to shape us.

 

“But, as I have emphasized throughout this book, you do not have to let your thoughts control you. You are not a victim of your thoughts and their biology; you are a victor over them. This means you can change these thoughts! You may have been nursing these negative mindsets for so long that they are so familiar to you that you think they are normal. This mistake is often made. However, only the thoughts formed when you are in your Perfect You, from God’s perspective, are normal, while the rest need redesigning or, to use the scientific term, reconceptualization. You can analyze your thoughts and, because of the neuroplasticity of the brain, redesign and rewire them. This is ‘renewing the mind’ in action, and with the guidance of the Holy Spirit it is an essential part of a healthy, good life. Indeed, it is grace meeting science, since research shows that conscious awareness of thoughts makes the thoughts amenable to change because they are physically weakened!” (page 257)

Craving Higher Hopes

27 Sunday Aug 2017

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics, Uncategorized

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authenticity, comfort, connection, daydream, desire, hope, identity, inspiration, light, love, poem, poetry, presence, relationship, safe, self, smile

no money, no rent

no way to meet ends

yet you daydream away

hoping somebody else tends

 

a day laid in bed

a blanket blocking out

no light streaming in

inspiration to move about

 

until I’m invited again

a smile lift lips

as you start to arise

head resting on my hips

 

my lap brings comfort

the presence you need

to embrace the real you

as that desire you feed

 

a connecting you bring

to go deeper you crave

what you hold dearly

you still can save

 

 

July 20, 2017

False Identity

01 Saturday Oct 2016

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Journal, Uncategorized

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accepted, association, blessed, burden, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, confess, confession, DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, emotion, God, identity, Isaiah 1:18, Jesus, lies, negativity, past, relationship, sin, therapy, white as snow

Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), I have learned the importance of not identifying myself with an emotion. Just because I am sad doesn’t mean I’m a sad person. It may sound strange, but I can take on extra weight by taking on these emotions and their associations. Tonight I have realized the same concept applies to not identifying with sin in my life.

It becomes easy to turn my sin into a noun that describes myself. I’ve told a lie in the past; liar must suit me as a title. The same can go for numerous other negative descriptions. Yet only the enemy wants me to believe that; taking on the lie leads me to avoid God. It makes me carry the weight of the sin and take on the burden of negative titles. God doesn’t want that for me, and it is not how He sees me. If I confess to Him rather than avoid Him and insist upon carrying my own burden, He will take it all away. As He reminds me in Isaiah 1:18, He will wash my sins white as snow. That means they’re gone. He won’t remind me of them, and I have nothing left to remind me of them either.

Now I will sin again of  course, just like I will inevitably feel sad or angry again. I just need to remember that I am a blessed child that is always accepted and always has her Father to whom she can turn. His son has already died to take the burden of my sins, so I do not need to carry them. My identity does not come from my sin or emotion but from my relationship with God. That will never change.

20160929_114757

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

1 John 1:9

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You can't make advances if you don't take chances. These posts share my perspectives of my journey as I step forward, walking in the Light.

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