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Kayla's Only Heart

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Kayla's Only Heart

Tag Archives: Christianity

False Identity

01 Saturday Oct 2016

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Journal, Uncategorized

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accepted, association, blessed, burden, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, confess, confession, DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, emotion, God, identity, Isaiah 1:18, Jesus, lies, negativity, past, relationship, sin, therapy, white as snow

Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), I have learned the importance of not identifying myself with an emotion. Just because I am sad doesn’t mean I’m a sad person. It may sound strange, but I can take on extra weight by taking on these emotions and their associations. Tonight I have realized the same concept applies to not identifying with sin in my life.

It becomes easy to turn my sin into a noun that describes myself. I’ve told a lie in the past; liar must suit me as a title. The same can go for numerous other negative descriptions. Yet only the enemy wants me to believe that; taking on the lie leads me to avoid God. It makes me carry the weight of the sin and take on the burden of negative titles. God doesn’t want that for me, and it is not how He sees me. If I confess to Him rather than avoid Him and insist upon carrying my own burden, He will take it all away. As He reminds me in Isaiah 1:18, He will wash my sins white as snow. That means they’re gone. He won’t remind me of them, and I have nothing left to remind me of them either.

Now I will sin again of  course, just like I will inevitably feel sad or angry again. I just need to remember that I am a blessed child that is always accepted and always has her Father to whom she can turn. His son has already died to take the burden of my sins, so I do not need to carry them. My identity does not come from my sin or emotion but from my relationship with God. That will never change.

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“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

1 John 1:9

Lent Reflection: Meetings

18 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Essay, Journal, Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Celebrate Recovery, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, church, community, depression, fasting, focus, friends, God, grace, growth, healing, hope, Jesus, Lent, light, meetings, perspective, recovery, scripture, stability, structure

Lent started just over a week ago, and today I start a new project of sorts to give me a better focus on God during this special time (yes, it’s okay to start late). Rather than fast from a particular food or activity during this season, I typically carve out some extra time to focus on God by using my spiritual gift of encouragement. This project I’ve mentioned involves taking that in a different direction. I plan to carve out time a couple times each week to reflect on my healing, how God has fulfilled it. For me, that is best done through writing or journaling (which I already do on a daily basis in the interest of maintaining my overall health).

The past couple weeks, I’ve contemplated the importance of regular meetings. “Meeting” can allude to an array of subjects to discuss at said gatherings. While I have noticed that having regular meeting times provides my life more structure and meaning, I have also contemplated the effect of regular meeting times for worship and community with God’s family.

In college, I found it easier to manage my symptoms of depression, anxiety and PTSD.  I created a routine and stuck to it, successfully accomplishing my goals to regularly exercise, pray, have mealtimes with friends, maintain my leadership position at Campus Christian Fellowship, attend worship services throughout the week and complete my school work and projects. I felt good about these tasks and my activities; I felt connected and enriched. I could see my growth. I have only recently noticed the pattern of meeting in the context of worship and spiritual growth having a significant role in keeping my focus and perspective on track. I was regularly reminded of Scripture and how God’s love fulfills it on a daily basis. I also met with a counselor and mentor to help me apply that to my life to keep my focus on the light rather than the darkness that tends to hover around me. All those meetings took up a considerable amount of time, but they made it possible for me to continue moving forward, and, most importantly, in the light.

The transition from college to the so-called “real world” can prove rough for everyone. Fortunately, I know I am not alone. Several friends have shared my struggle in finding a meaningful job or selecting the direction they want to take their careers. Transition of any sort has its difficulties. I just can’t help but see the importance and benefit of transitioning into more meetings to maintain the structure and stability of corporate worship and community. Even someone at a recent support group meeting mentioned how attending three different support groups every week for a while made it possible for her to step away from her destructive path; she even emphasized that continuing to attend meetings (this is more than fifteen years later) keeps her on that track. Sadly, as this same person shared, she’s been around long enough to see people get sober from drugs for years and then go back once they stop attending meetings. We all need constant meetings to keep our focus and accountability in perspective.

That brings me to a new goal. The past several weeks, I have adjusted my schedule to make it easier for me to regularly attend the church service where I feel most comfortable and the Celebrate Recovery program I feel most at home. Even a couple weeks of attending both meetings gave me a better structure and a sense of stability to keep me on track to progress my healing. I know I will add more meetings, but that gives me a good start. I can also rest assured that both those meetings maintain a focus on God’s grace and love.

 

Lent is a time to fast and focus. God can use focus and perspective through meetings to keep us on track. What meeting can you commit to attending, even just during Lent to give your time to improve your relationship with God and your life?

 

Moving from Common Living to Dream Fulfilling

27 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Journal, Photography

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Tags

book, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, church, common, community, dreams, encouragement, family, friends, fulfillment, gifts, goals, healing, heart, hurt, Max Lucado, nature, personal growth, Photo, photography, reading, role, spiritual gifts, support, tree, writer, writing

  

            I just have finished reading a chapter in Max Lucado’s book The Cure for the Common Life: Living in Your Sweet Spot about joining God’s family of friends through church community. He emphasizes the importance of each member having a specific role to play, using his gifts, and how we come together as one body to support each other.

            The church as a hospital for hurt people is a common image used for Christians. This chapter demonstrates how the community helps its members by providing physical and emotional needs during difficult times. As I’ve mentioned previously, I’m taking a course on healing from past wounds at a nearby church. We have spent the last couple weeks sharing our backgrounds and starting a healing process that begins with forgiving people who have hurt us and relinquishing lies, etc. I have immediately seen a significant difference in how I feel since I’ve had my turn in the “holy seat” on Monday evening. Maybe the true beginning really is as simple as acknowledging that certain people have hurt me and forgiving them as well as acknowledging and renouncing lies or curses I have believed as a result of those situations. Nothing has changed the past, but I have started to loosen its negative grip on me as I live in a healthier present.

            Feeling better has made me feel more equipped to start tackling some of my goals again, big and small. I have shared this readiness and some of the dreams on my heart with my group, and I have received enthusiasm and encouragement. Immediately, one friend wanted to introduce me to a writer at the church who currently seeks young authors. Then the group as a whole is happy to see me healing and reaching out to fulfill God’s calling for me.

            That’s exactly what the church family of friends does for each other. These wonderful women have stood beside me as I have started healing and as I shared my scars. I never once felt judged, rather felt lifted up and seen in a positive light for who I am rather than things I have done or that have been done to me. They are helping me get plugged into the church, eager to see me use my gifts. Each week, I am reminded that there is no such thing as coincidence and that God placed me in this group for a purpose.

            As Max Lucado points out, the church is a family of friends. It can come together to serve each other through sharing burdens as well as connecting people for community and getting people plugged into the right place to use their gifts. I am not a member of a church in my area yet, but I am encouraged to keep getting involved to receive further healing from the church as a hospital as well as use my gifts to lift people higher and bring them closer together in fellowship.

Free from Shame 

27 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Journal

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Tags

bondage, Christ, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, forgiveness, free, freedom, God, grace, guilt, past, redemption, shame, sin, wounds

Shame can have numerous roots: feeling inadequate in meeting personal or familial standards, failing to fit into societal norms, experiencing trauma, living in a negative environment. I personally have layers of shame from all those causes. Sometimes I feel guilty for actually doing something wrong; other times I feel shame as a result of not meeting imposed standards. Either way, recognizing the shame or guilt and working through the incident is key to not wearing a coat of shame and ultimately being held captive by that. Fortunately, our graceful God forgives our sins and heals us of sins committed against us. While we may not forget and scars will remain, a life free of shame’s bondage is still available. 

Saved

26 Sunday Apr 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Christ, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, Christlike, forgiveness, Haiku, life, NaPoWriMo, poem, poetry, salvation

Christlike forgiveness

Transcends all understanding 

Freely giving life 

Salvation

14 Tuesday Apr 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Christ, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, darkness, God, Haiku, Holy Spirit, NaPoWriMo, poem, poetry, redemption, renewal, salvation, spirit

Renewing spirit 

Renouncing darkness’s claim 

Seizing redemption 

Uncovering the Pain: The Full Experience in the Present

12 Sunday Apr 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Essay, Journal

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Tags

affection, book, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, emotions, experience, expression, faith, inhibition, life, Living in the Freedom of the Spirit, pain, reaction, reading, shame, Tom Marshall, wound

            I, like many others, tend to bury my negative emotions. In some ways, I was trained never to express such sentiments. While the intention for me to inhibit these expressions has good thought, not dealing with them leads to further pain. I currently experience present pain as a result of past pain. This makes it difficult to simply “get over” those situations. Now I learn that fully experiencing these emotions plays a central role in unraveling the shame associated with them and conquering the subsequent fears. Then I can continue moving forward in a positive manner.

            I encourage you to allow yourself to experience your emotions so they can come and go. As you do this with me, pay close attention to your reactions. Keeping your perception and emotion rooted in truth plays a key role in not letting the negative experiences leave a festering wound. Understanding the way you filter your feelings may also help you uncover how you express affection and realize how to inhibit that less as well. Properly handling reactions and emotions will help us grow positively rather than stagnate in pain.

*reading reflection on Living in the Freedom of the Spirit by Tom Marshall

Proverb 4: Wisdom’s Light of Hope

28 Saturday Mar 2015

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Journal

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bible, Christian, Christian living, Christianity, heart, hope, light, Proverbs, rejection, scripture, shame, therapy, wisdom

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” 

Proverb 4:23

Reading this in the midst of intensive therapy calls attention to the fact that I must guard my heart from darkness already dwelling there. To put it vaguely, I have shadows cast from past rejection, abuse and shame. These weights keep me from pouring out love as well as prevent me from accepting any. The time has come to shine more light upon them so the sun gets to full noon, making it impossible for the shadows to exist. Then those experiences can develop further wisdom and understanding. I pray I can spill that lovingly so that other people can see the light and feel the warmth of that hope as well. 

“The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, 

shining ever brighter till the full light of day.”

Proverb 4:18

Capture My Heart

16 Sunday Nov 2014

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

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Tags

Christian living, Christianity, eternal love, father, gifts, God, grace, hope, Jesus, light, lonely, love, Operation Christmas Child, poem, poetry, relationship, Samaritan's Purse, saved, Savior, shoeboxes

Operation Christmas Child’s National Collection Week starts tomorrow. This poem prays for the children around the world who will receive shoebox gifts and a message about Jesus Christ, the greatest gift of all. Visit the Samaritan’s Purse page to learn more about how you can touch a life with God’s love.

Made by God my heart sits

Lonely and unsure inside me

A great hope it knows not yet

For Jesus I have not met

Desired by God my heart waits

Anxious and warm beating me

This relationship’s not yet made

With this Father who won’t fade

Accepted by Jesus my heart opens

Saved and loved completely whole

A new creature and life renewed

Through blood shed and grace imbued

Now to you my heart spills

Shining light and inviting you

To an eternal love you have not yet

With Savior, Father, Counselor now met

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Faithful Promise

29 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by KaylasOnlyHeart in Poetry/Lyrics

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Tags

Christian, Christianity, clouds, deliverance, dreamer, dreams, faith, God, hope, life, limits, poem, poetry, promise, promises, silver lining, sky, truth

I am a cloud

Floating in the sky

Infinity every direction beyond

Except for the ground below

 

I pray to land

Upright on my feet

The Son still shining through

A way, truth and life in me

 

Even when dark blankets

Light still surrounds

A silver lining so bright

A seal of prosperous rain

 

This life knows no limits

When love abounds like endless sky

Ever shifting beauty

For a cloud by day and by night

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You can't make advances if you don't take chances. These posts share my perspectives of my journey as I step forward, walking in the Light.

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