Category Archives: Winsome Women Wednesday

A Winsome Woman’s Wisdom: Jane in Her 27 Dresses

07 Wednesday Nov 2018

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The girls in Mean Girls wear pink on Wednesdays. Though we think we leave drama and teenage angst behind when we graduate high school, the world continues to hand us lemons. We still struggle with maintaining a firm foundation of our values, discovering our identity, pursuing our purpose, developing relationships and more. The teenage angst lives on; therefore, we can still learn from young adults as they come of age. Let’s take a look at some ladies as they’ve forged their way into adulthood.

 

After a couple weightier books and movies last weekend, I reveled in an upbeat romantic comedy after painting my nails bubble gum pink Sunday night. Jane in 27 Dresses showcases a issue many women struggle to overcome long into adulthood. When she first meets Kevin Doyle, he points out how she can’t say no after questioning her about her involvement in so many weddings. Jane brushes this off at first because the next wedding has her sister saying the vows. As the ceremony plans continue, Jane feels more and more distraught over her commitments and her unspoken love for the groom, her boss and longtime crush.

Eventually, Jane speaks out to tell George the truth about her sister’s lies. Though the truth jives with the right thing to do and Jane expressing herself shows improvement, she let it come out more as revenge for so many years of unspoken disappointment and anger. We all make mistakes as we learn how to better navigate relationships, communication and goals. However, we can learn from Jane that a sudden outburst of expression to cover years of it may not match the situation at hand. Once Jane talks to her sister and they each see how they envied the other and how they handled growing up without a mother affected each differently (Jane took over mothering Tess after the death). They get a better idea of the other’s perspective as well as how to better interact with her. Their dynamics change for the better. Jane continues to open herself to possibilities when she speaks to George; she learns her crush didn’t hold all she dreamed and that she can move onto a better job.

It gets easy to stay in comfortable patterns like Jane did because we have a hard time saying no. Yet that leaves little room for growth and doesn’t allow us to open doors for new opportunities. By the end of the movie, Jane sees that having honest conversations and allowing herself to speak what she wants deepens her relationship with her sister, allows her to seek better job opportunities and opens herself up to the possibility of love with someone who respects her when she accepts Kevin’s apology. We have wants and goals placed in our hearts for a reason. Sometimes it helps us as well as others to say no and to keep pursuing opportunities. Saying a small no just might make it possible to say a big yes. Jane does get to marry the handsome Kevin after all.

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A Winsome Woman’s Wisdom: Anna Fitzgerald, Sister Keeper

31 Wednesday Oct 2018

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The girls in Mean Girls wear pink on Wednesdays. Though we think we leave drama and teenage angst behind when we graduate high school, the world continues to hand us lemons. We still struggle with maintaining a firm foundation of our values, discovering our identity, pursuing our purpose, developing relationships and more. The teenage angst lives on; therefore, we can still learn from young adults as they come of age. Let’s take a look at some ladies as they’ve forged their way into adulthood.

 

Anna Fitzgerald exists because her parents specifically created her embryo as a donor match for her older sister Kate in Jodi Picoult’s bestselling novel My Sister’s Keeper. The story follows Anna’s attempts to make donor decisions herself by filing a lawsuit against her parents. Her whole life has involved huge procedures all chosen for her; those also make it difficult for her to live life normally, almost as though she had leukemia too. Like most 13-year-olds, she feels unsure as she navigates making choices for herself, especially when tension arises due to her parents not agreeing.

In some ways, we all can relate to Anna in our desire for approval. We all seek approval from our parents, our peers, our friends even as adults. Yet we forget that we need not live by their standards. Even Queen Elizabeth I points this out to her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II in The Crown when she asserts that her job requires her to make decisions based on God’s approval rather than the general public. In most cases, this would follow the wiser direction anyway considering the unapproving parties tend to not have expertise in the field they project their opinion. Mrs. Fitzgerald unquestionably cares about her daughters, but she doesn’t have the expertise to understand what will happen to Kate or Anna if they follow through with a kidney donation. In fact, the doctor said Kate had passed the point in renal failure where it would benefit her. Anna seeks counsel and help from experts, despite not having her mother’s approval.

While we want to live at peace with those around us, it serves us all to stand on our proper foundations to make our decisions rather than sway to gain temporary approval. It also does us well to seek counsel from multiple sources. Chrystal Evans Hurst wisely encourages readers to gather multiple types of people for your support team in She’s Still There, including a mentor figure ahead of you on the same career path and a friend who cheers you on by your side. Having a firm foundation and a support team makes it easier to keep moving forward and stay focused on your purpose.

Desiring approval comes naturally. So does the angst felt when we don’t get it. However, we can continue forward with strength and purpose and do better than if we allowed ourselves to waver. We have support around us to give us the guidance and encouragement we need to make progress. Making decisions doesn’t necessarily get easier, but we can rest assured knowing we base them on truth.

Winsome Women Wednesday: 13 Going on 30

24 Wednesday Oct 2018

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The girls in Mean Girls wear pink on Wednesdays. Though we think we leave drama and teenage angst behind when we graduate high school, the world continues to hand us lemons. We still struggle with maintaining a firm foundation of our values, discovering our identity, pursuing our purpose, developing relationships and more. The teenage angst lives on; therefore, we can still learn from young adults as they come of age. Let’s take a look at some ladies as they’ve forged their way into adulthood.

 

Thirteen-year-old Jenna Rink seeks acceptance into the popular clique The Six Chicks in the Jennifer Garner starring movie 13 Going on 30. When she wakes up in her 30-year-old body after making a wish to be “thirty, flirty and thriving,” she sets off on a journey to learn what really matters in friendships, career and life. She lives in her fantasy where she became the leader of The Six Chicks, a leader at her favorite fashion magazine and the girlfriend of a popular hockey stud. Yet as she ventures deeper into her superficially successful life, she learns she got there by abandoning what truly mattered to her. She learns some of the acceptance she received didn’t bring her the satisfaction she sought.

Rather than accept superficial approval as young Jenna Rink does, we too can stay close to our values. Jenna ultimately decides to make the right decision regarding her friends and career and starts to build a better foundation. She even reconnects with her family and decides to visit more often again. Fortunately, a movie allows a chance for a happy ending. Jenna eventually goes back to her 13-year-old self and chooses her best friend and future husband over The Six Chicks, and the movie hints at a happily ever after.

Jenna got to where she was at 30 due to a series of decisions. Clearly, she didn’t start there as we see her in a different scenario as a teen. We too don’t get into our messes by single choices. Most the time we get there unintentionally. For example, no one who struggles with a drug addiction says, “I’d like to be addicted to drugs and see what kind of ruination it can bring. I think I’ll try meth today.” In turn, it takes a lot of small decisions and adjustments to get back on track. We can choose what we value and base our goals and everyday decisions on that foundation. This keeps us on track for a more fulfilling life.

 

What choice can you make today that will help you stay on track?

 

Winsome Women Wednesday: To All the Boys

03 Wednesday Oct 2018

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The girls in Mean Girls wear pink on Wednesdays. Though we think we leave drama and teenage angst behind when we graduate high school, the world continues to hand us lemons. We still struggle with maintaining a firm foundation of our values, discovering our identity, pursuing our purpose, developing relationships and more. The teenage angst lives on; therefore, we can still learn from young adults as they come of age. Let’s take a look at some ladies as they’ve forged their way into adulthood.

My best friend and I recently have read and discussed Jenny Han’s To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before for our long distance book club, and it has led to some fun discussions about boys and high school and life. The story follows Lara Jean as she adjusts to life at home with her younger sister and father after her older sister heads to Scotland for college. During that time, the letters Lara Jean wrote to her previous crushes find their way from her private hat box to the boys’ mailboxes. She discovers the deliveries subsequently develops her ability actually to talk to the boys.

My high school friends and I resembled Lara Jean a lot in our lack of conversations with boys. Sure, we talked about them; we just didn’t exactly talk to them. However, we did slip anonymous cheesy love poems into boys’ lockers for fun. We enjoyed giggling while writing them and then watching the recipients’ faces as they read. We eventually progressed from there to have a couple dates and boyfriends in the groups.

Lara Jean has to face what we all have to face: learning the art of conversation and connection. She writes letters to express her feelings and her disappointments that nothing develops between her and her crushes. Once they get into the hands of the crushes, she sees that they lead to connections. From there, she learns to navigate the hopes, embarrassments, thrills and disappointments of talking to boys. As she gets to know a couple of them, she deciphers who she can trust and who might have the potential to become more than a crush.

Whether for friendships or relationships, we all have to brave the unknown and start conversations with people. As we get to know people who may have similar interests or in whom we have an interest, we can develop those relationships. Lara Jean finds a reminder of the importance of the connections around her, ranging from having new conversations with her sister to maintain their closeness after she leaves for college to admitting to her old crush she used to like him. We don’t know what depths a relationship may hold until we start conversations. Even with familiar ones, we can gain even more from maintaining the connection. So here’s to facing the unknown and the discomfort of continuing conversations to keep us connected.

Winsome Women Wednesday

19 Wednesday Sep 2018

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The girls in Mean Girls wear pink on Wednesdays. Though we think we leave drama and teenage angst behind when we graduate high school, the world continues to hand us lemons. We still struggle with maintaining a firm foundation of our values, discovering our identity, pursuing our purpose, developing relationships and more. The teenage angst lives on; therefore, we can still learn from young adults as they come of age. Let’s take a look at some ladies as they’ve forged their way into adulthood.

 

My best friend (since high school) and I recently have read Gayle Forman’s Just One Day for a buddy read. Allyson finds herself exploring Europe after her graduation, a gift from her parents to help her gain some cultural experiences in the great wide world. There, she meets a boy acting in a street Shakespeare company. Mirroring the comedy’s mixture of romance and comedic deceit, Allyson finds herself wondering where she bases her identity as well as what happened to Willem after he disappeared.

As Allyson begins college, we find her facing many familiar dilemmas for a freshman. She decides to go by Allyson again rather than the identity she tried in Europe at the insistence of her high school BFF, and she finds herself not performing well in her classes. After a meeting with her guidance counselor, she drops her science classes she took to pursue a career as a physician, a dream she later realizes is a fulfillment of her mother’s, in the interest of trying a couple new classes. Shakespeare enters the scene again as she joins a literature class where she meets her new friend Dee.

Dee contrasts Allyson as he changes his mask to match each person’s assumptions of him. Eventually, they discuss which of them truly know themselves and feels comfortable in that identity. Allyson finds herself doing well in her new classes and finally discusses her wants with her mom. As she moves forward communicating her needs and goals with those important to her, she finds an anchor for herself. Her relationships become closer and more genuine, she makes her decisions based on her values rather than someone else’s expectations and she meets her goals even if she experiences setbacks.

Unfortunately, most of us still struggle to find, own and present our true identities to those around us. We face expectations based on our roles, and we want to please others. Yet everyone ranks what they value a little differently. When we make our decisions based on what most matches our values and goals, it makes situations unfold a lot smoother. So take some time to consider how you would rank your values and then hold your dilemmas up to them. It might make it easier to move forward.